I Miss Sex, But It’s Not Worth The BS That Comes Along With It

I haven’t had sex in, well, let’s just call it a very long time. It seriously sucks, but on the other hand, sex comes with baggage. I’ve definitely regretted some of my past decisions, which is why I’ve become basically celibate these days—not to mention frustrated AF.

  1. It always ends up as the focal point. Everything always revolves around sex when I date and I’m tired of it. It’s either about the sexual tension before it happens, about what’s going on in the bedroom itself, or what needs discussion in order to fix what’s wrong with it. It takes a lot of time and energy to have a good sexual relationship with another person.
  2. It ruins everything. OK, maybe that’s a bit dramatic, but it can and does happen. So many people will do or say anything just to get laid and then once it happens, their true selves come out. Something that seems promising in the beginning is shown for what it really was—an attempt to get in my pants. It happens more often than not, and I hate it.
  3. Sex = drama. It gets in the way. Once I start having sex, it seems like it takes precedence over getting to know each other and become more intimate in other manners. On the other hand, if I wait to have sex, I feel like I never know if everything happening is simply a series of manipulations to get me to sleep with that person. It’s all-consuming either way.
  4. I don’t want to catch feelingsIt’s an impossible situation. If I’m not into the person, the sex isn’t going to be very good. If I am into the person, that creates a whole mess of trouble. I don’t want to fall for someone who doesn’t want me, and even if the attraction is mutual, it seems like a headache to try to start a relationship right now.
  5. Casual sex isn’t realistic for me. I’ve tried it, trust me—it never ends well. Every time I tell myself I can manage a no strings attached scenario, one of us wants more and then things get complicated. I’ve been burned by it enough to know that I simply shouldn’t even attempt to sleep with someone I’m not dating.
  6. I’m terrified of STDs. I’m old enough and smart enough to have a righteous fear of catching something nasty. I don’t trust new partners to be honest about their sexual health, especially when they’re trying to get some. I’d better see some actual written proof that a person is clean before anything happens. It’s so unsexy to have to think that way.
  7. I’m also terrified of pregnancy. I’ve been on birth control for a million years but it’s not foolproof. I wouldn’t have the baby, but I don’t want to ever have to be in the position to make that decision. Sex definitely isn’t worth dealing with that emotional trauma and the guilt that I would carry with me for the rest of my life. No thanks.
  8. Lack of communication means sub-par sex. Again, if I want to have good sex, I need to have a good connection with someone. Good connections take time and work. I don’t want to have to put in all that time just to get laid—I want it to be easy but that’s not realistic. I know if I sleep with a random, I’m going to feel empty and unsatisfied afterward.
  9. I don’t have the energy to navigate the complicated stuff. I’d honestly love to get some without having to deal with a relationship. I have too much change going on in my life. The problem is that it’s basically impossible to have a sexual partnership with another person that’s straightforward. If it begins simple, it never stays that way for long. Humans are complicated and it follows that sex between them is as well.
  10. I’m not ready to get intimate with someone. I mean really intimate on all levels, not just physical. Physical intimacy can be as shallow as I want it to be, but emotional intimacy can’t be faked and it’s scary. I can’t have casual sex and I don’t want to get truly intimate with anyone, so what the hell am I supposed to do?
  11. I’m afraid I’ll get attached and then I’ll get hurt. I am simply not in a place where I can deal with having my heart broken, and I feel like having sex with someone will inevitably lead to disaster. It’s pretty difficult to sleep with anyone on a regular basis and not get attached. I’m a very emotional and loving person. It’s going to happen, and then I’ll get pulverized.
  12. I don’t trust men at all when it comes to sex. I know for a fact that there are many guys out there who will do and say anything in order to get laid. With all the bad experiences that I’ve had (and that my friends have had), why would I even want to go there? Yeah, I need sex too, but not badly enough to get screwed over or taken for a fool.
  13. I always get disappointed one way or another. I don’t mean to sound pessimistic, but it’s the truth! If I try to stay closed off emotionally and have sex, I feel unfulfilled and dissatisfied. If I decide to be brave and let vulnerability enter the equation, I almost always end up attached to someone I shouldn’t care about and then getting my heart broken. A little bit of sex simply isn’t worth it.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.