Everyone who’s ever gone through a breakup has experienced loneliness. It sucks. You were comfortable and happy and then just like that, everything changed. You’re on your own again. Missing him is one thing, but going back to him is the worst idea ever. Here’s why:
The breakup happened for a reason. Ask yourself if you were really happy in your relationship or if you were just settling? Were there more ups than downs? If the answer is no, don’t even think about going back to the way things were. You went through a whole lot of heartache and now you’ve come out the other side. The worst thing you can do is give him another chance and get screwed over all over again.
You’re stronger on your own. In those moments when you feel like breaking the silence and sending him a text, put the phone down. Maybe it seems like a good idea when you’re feeling lonely, but you’ll regret it as soon as you hit send. Remember how strong you are. You don’t need someone to hold your hand — believe me, you’re killing it on your own!
Remember the no contact rule. In the first 30 days of your breakup, you WILL be tempted to reach out. These feelings are normal. Of course you’re not over him yet and you’ll probably get the urge to talk to him every day. However, remember that these feelings might not be reciprocated, and it’ll only cause further pain and confusion for both parties. There’s a reason for the “no contact” rule, and you should try and stick to it.
He could have already moved on. Ouch. Naturally, the last thing you want to think about is the guy you are still in love with moving on after such a short time. It’s still so painful, but if he hasn’t tried to contact you at all and he’s regularly posting pictures on Instagram that show he’s having a good time with friends, then chances are he’s already in the stages of moving on. So why are you still waiting around for him?
There’s someone better out there. After a breakup, it’s normal to assume that you’ll never find anyone who will compare to the way he made you feel. You start worrying that you’ll never fall in love again. Moving on is difficult, as you begin to idolize that person and see them as better and more unique/one-of-a-kind than who they actually are. You’ll compare them to everyone you meet, looking for similar qualities and physical resemblances. Don’t let your mind trick you into believing that he was the right guy for you. There’s someone much better out there.
Consider whether this is really what you want. Maybe it’s not necessarily them that you miss; maybe it’s just that you miss having someone to hang out with. Feelings of loneliness and the fear of never finding love again can often be misinterpreted as something else. You want to go back to him because that’s what you are familiar with, but familiarity isn’t always a good thing, especially when it’s so soon after a breakup.
Remember how he made you feel. Instead of focusing on all of the good things about him, think about all of the bad. How did he make you feel in the lead up to the breakup? Whether it was intentional or not, this man broke your heart and it’s important that you recognize that whenever you feel like starting something up again.
If you were meant to stay together, it wouldn’t have ended the way it did. Let’s be honest — you knew it was coming. Maybe he was growing more distant or maybe you were fighting more than usual, but there were so many signs that you couldn’t have missed. Whatever the reason, it’s clear that the relationship wasn’t working out for either of you. Take it as a reason to move on.
It probably won’t help the situation. If you do reach out, chances are it will only make things even more complicated. Anything you say while you’re still hurting, you’ll regret almost as soon as you’ve said it. And what if the reply isn’t the one you wanted? It’ll make you feel even worse. Walk away from the phone before you make a really bad decision.
He could play the “let’s be friends” card. Being friends with someone who you still have feelings for is the worst thing you can possibly do. Perhaps you still want him in your life, even if that does mean keeping them as a friend, but it’ll prevent you from ever moving on. Walk away — it will be easier in the long run!
This feeling will pass. You’re going through the motions. You feel lost, scared, confused, but it’ll eventually pass. When it does, you’ll realize that you can do so much better. It will take some effort and some self-restraint on your part, but you will get there and you will be happy again.
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