Modern Dating Culture Has Turned Me Into A Bitch

Believe it or not, once upon a time I was just a caring, optimistic girl looking for love in my life. I minded my Ps and Qs, showed my genuine kindness and enthusiasm and behaved with grace with every guy I met. One by one, my enthusiasm went from Taylor Swift sweet to burn all of your crap Beyonce — I’m literally over these douchebag guys that make up the majority of our dating pool. I wasn’t always a bitch, but modern dating culture made me this way.

1. The fish in the sea have turned into mutants in the sewer. It used to be that coming across good guys, or at least guys with actual normal manners, weren’t so few and far between. These days, you have to hike up Everest and nearly die of hypothermia before you come across a small glimmer of hope. How is it possible for so many players to exist at one time? Ugh.
2. Most guys aren’t worth putting on pants for. Getting ready for another date just to sit across from a guy who talks about my great ass and chest more than who I actually as am a person makes me want to vomit in my $10 martini. I’d rather sit at home in comfort, blissfully unaware of the jerk I’m not missing out on.
3. I like Netflix more than dealing with actual men. Who needs a boyfriend when I can sit bra-less with a bottle of wine and marathon through the new season of Orange Is The New Black? That’s right, no one. True love is just a button press away.
4. It’s hard to believe good guys are still out there. In all honesty, I’ve met so many douche canoes that I’m starting to wonder if real and grownaass men still exist. Are you out there? Hello? Will the real good guys please stand the hell up? Geez.
5. I’m sick of competing. I didn’t sign up for any BS reality TV type of love, so forgive me if I’m not about to be just another contestant in the lineup. No one dates honestly anymore, so why should I care about dating at all?
6. There’s zero effort made these days, so why am I wasting my energy? I’m rarely impressed by guys now and it’s not because of anything they did wrong; it’s more the expectation that they’re going to be a huge disappointment like every moron before them. I’d like to be hopeful that one guy will eventually change my mind, but I have yet to come across a guy who isn’t a lazy jerk that just wants to get into my pants as fast as he can. So forgive me if I’m not swooning with charm right off the bat — he needs to earn it first.
7. I’ve been ghosted one too many times. I haven’t been ghosted just once or twice — it’s literally 80% of the time I meet someone. Guys these days just cower and turn into ill-mannered jerks that can’t formulate a simple sentence to say goodbye. After about a dozen, I stopped caring to go above and beyond to remain the nice girl. I’m done.
8. I’m sick of being treated like a sexual object. Because why would I want to subject myself to a selfish idiot who doesn’t respect me as a person and just wants my body? I’m perfectly good at satisfying myself. I don’t need to subject myself to one more loser who is most likely going to activate my bitch flag just so he can feel temporary enjoyment. No thanks.
9. Being a bitch feels infinitely better than being a doormat. I refuse to let myself fall back into the trap of being a doe-eyed princess looking for her Prince Charming — I’m over it. I used to be naive and I used to wish for my fairy tale ending until one too many penis pictures brought me back to earth. It’s a dog eat dog world out there when it comes to dating and I’m done getting taken down by being too weak. Bitch mode is on and it’s here to stay… unless my unicorn finally falls from the sky in front of me.
10. I’ve literally run out of care. It’s not that I’m a complete bitch — I have a good side too, but I’m sick of giving it out freely to guys who end up walking all over me and taking advantage of my kindness. From now on, if you want me to put on pants and leave my apartment for you, you need to show me some real respect first. If you don’t, you’ll be meeting the bitch soon. I have zero care left.