Just when you thought ghosting was the worst part of dating trend, now there’s “mosting.” It’s basically a new and even more terrible version of that terrible dating trend. Here’s what you need to know about what mosting is and how to spot it in the people you date.
- Mosting is a rollercoaster. When someone you’re dating tries to convince you that they’re “The One” then ghosts you, they’re guilty of mosting. You’re left so confused as to why they’d tell you all those lovely things and then disappear from your life. Didn’t they feel anything for you?
- It’s a constant game of spot the love-bomber. Remember love-bombing? Well, mosting is pretty much the same thing. The person you’re dating will give you loads of compliments and make you feel like a million bucks. They might even hint that you’re their soulmate, only to vanish. All that love was clearly manipulation dressed up in pretty but empty words.
- Flattery gets them nowhere but that doesn’t stop them trying. Although people who resort to mosting might think that they can flatter you to get what they want, their attempts often fall flat and they deserve it. After a few dates of being with someone who lays on the love a little too thickly, you’re sure to hear those warning bells ringing loudly in your head. Whenever someone comes on too strongly with the love when they don’t even know you, there’s something dodgy going on.
- You feel like you’re going nuts but you’re not. The thing is, anyone can ghost you, from the person you went on a few lukewarm dates with to the one who seemed to be the real deal. But people who “most” you are ones you really thought you had a strong connection with—and it wasn’t just in your imagination. They made it clear that they were really interested. They just had a hidden agenda underneath all that so-called love that wasn’t visible until they disappeared.
- Mosters put in a lot of effort for all the wrong reasons. You might be wondering why someone who doesn’t actually want to be with you would put in so much effort. The most obvious reason is to get sex, but it can be more complicated than that. Some people want relationships and love to the point of craving them, but then when things become too real, they don’t know how to handle it. Basically, they have some serious issues.
- It’s incredibly confusing. Some people “most” others because they don’t say what they really feel or want. They’re hoping to lure partners with their fake love instead of just being real about not wanting anything serious. What kind of coward does that?
- Mosters have avoidant attachment styles. There are people who resort to mosting because they have problems with intimacy. They sabotage their relationships by having an amazing time with you but then bolting at the weirdest time—like after they’ve told you they love you. Ugh. One of the ways you can spot people with avoidant attachment styles is by how they idealize their relationships, as though wanting something perfect that’ll never exist.
- Some mosters act like they don’t want sex. It might sound weird, but some mosters don’t actually want sex—they’re after something much greater than that. The moster might even say things like “I want to take things slow” or “I don’t see a need for us to rush.” Sounds good, but it’s actually just his or her way of trying to avoid intimacy.
- It feels like you can’t win. When a guy’s rushing to have sex, your warning bells probably ring, so when you meet someone who’s keen on having something real, it’s normal to think that you don’t have to be on your guard and you can trust them. Unfortunately, they could be mosting you.
- Bear in mind that you don’t have to change. Although it’s good to know about mosting so you can avoid dodgy dating partners, you don’t have to become obsessed or change your dating strategy. When someone has bad intentions, they’ll show them sooner or later, so don’t stress yourself out. The trick is to know that you’ll be OK no matter what happens. That way, ghosters and mosters can’t hurt you.
- It can help to take things slow. When someone you’re dating tells you how amazing you are and that they want to be with you forever, it’s easy to get caught up, but take all the flattery with a grain of salt. Just because the person’s saying things today doesn’t mean they’re going to feel them tomorrow or three months down the line. You never know how things can change, but relationships are never guaranteed anyway. The key is to take things slowly and feel someone out really well about their lives, wants, and relationship goals before you get swept away. Follow your gut!
- Anyone who seems too perfect usually is. The person you’re dating can’t be amazing all the time, and if they are you have to wonder what they’re hiding. It might just be some hardcore mosting tendencies that you’re better off without.
