Modern dating mainstays like Tinder, almost relationships, and ghosting have taken away a lot of the security relationships used to offer. Most people have experienced a breakup in which we weren’t exactly sure what went wrong and had no way of finding out. That lack of closure definitely makes it more difficult to move on, but there’s not much you can do about it except adjust. Life goes on, with or without closure, so you might as well make the best of it.

Talk it through with your friends.

Sometimes it helps to say the things you wish you could have said to him out loud. Your friends also might be able to offer a different perspective on your relationship if you’re willing to listen. Whatever you do, don’t keep it all inside, because then you’ll never be able to let it go and it will turn into bitterness.

Give yourself a time limit on obsessing.

It’s hard not to go over everything you said and did with a fine tooth comb looking for the exact moment things changed, but the reality is you’re never going to know what he was thinking. So, give yourself a couple days to obsess and then cut yourself off.

Get rid of all his stuff.

Even if you’re tempted to keep his favorite T-shirt just in case he comes crawling back, don’t. The longer you hold on to his stuff, the longer you’re holding on to the idea of him coming back, and you need to accept, sooner rather than later, that that will never happen.

Delete his number.

That goes for all your text conversations, and emails too. If his number is still lingering on your phone, you’ll be tempted to just send a quick text to find out what happened. And if he already stopped responding weeks ago, he’s not going to miraculously answer now. All you’ll be doing is letting him know you’re not over him yet, and it won’t change a thing.

Do things that cheer you up. Go

shopping, sign up for a new yoga class, treat yourself to a facial. Splurge on something you normally wouldn’t make room for in your budget, and it will help you refocus your energy on yourself rather than on someone who didn’t care enough to tell you why they didn’t want you.

Come up with all the reasons why it’s for the best.

So he didn’t give you a choice over whether you wanted to break up or not. But if you think back, there are probably a few ways your relationship wasn’t ideal. Instead of remembering him as ‘the one that got away’, think of him as another guy who probably wasn’t right for you anyway.

Be the bigger person.

Sure, you could write him a nasty email just so you can get all that anger off your chest, but why give him the satisfaction of knowing you still think about him? Go ahead and write that email, but don’t send it. As far as he has to know, you never even noticed he disappeared.

Don’t blame yourself.

Even if he did have a problem with something about you, it was his choice to walk away without attempting to fix it. If that’s who he is, there probably isn’t much you could have done differently anyway.

Get back out there.

No one’s saying you should jump back into a serious relationship or anything, but going on some casual dates never hurt anyone. It will help distract you, and remind you that there are plenty of nice guys out there, and you’ll find someone else when the time is right.

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