For many couples, moving in together is a natural step in long-term relationships. I thought I was doing the right thing by moving in with my boyfriend recently but in reality, I hate it. I love my boyfriend but living with him is a nightmare.
- He’s a neat freak. I’m not a messy person, but to my neat freak of a boyfriend, I totally am. Whenever I leave something out on the counter, I hear about it. Whenever I kick my shoes off when coming home, I hear about it. I understand that being a neat freak can be difficult. He gets anxious when things are out of place and I don’t want him to feel that way. It’s starting to drive me crazy. I didn’t leave the sanctuary of my apartment to move in with my mother!
- He loves routine. My boyfriend’s the kind of guy that wakes up and goes to bed at the same time no matter what. It’s funny how much you notice when you actually live with someone. Every morning, he gets up at six a.m. and goes through his usual routine. He’s noisy moving about and gets even louder when he gets into the kitchen to make his morning shake. I’m already not a morning person and my patience is wearing thin.
- He always asks where I’m going. I grew up with an overprotective father. He was always asking questions about where I went, what I did, and who I did it with. That was one of the main reasons I moved out of my family home as soon as I could. I didn’t care about the costs. I wanted my freedom, but now, my boyfriend is making me feel trapped again. Love can’t blossom when you feel like a prisoner.
- He likes sharing every detail about his day. My boyfriend and I used to text all the time. He’d ask about my day and I’d ask about his. We’d chat about it for five minutes tops. Now that we live together, he likes going on these 20-minute monologues about stuff I don’t care about. I don’t know how to tell him that at the end of a long day, the last thing I want to do is sit down and hear about his horrible day for an extended period of time.
- He assumes that every night I spend at home is date night. Whenever I choose not to go out, my boyfriend insists that we should “take advantage” of this extra time and have a date. I’m seriously over watching TV and cooking romantic meals. I’ve even started lying about going to meet friends just to get some alone time. Every girl likes quality time, but sometimes, it can get to be too much.
- He watches TV loudly. While I’m not a huge sports fan, I understand that the euphoria of watching your team win or lose can lead to people acting out of character. My boyfriend takes this to the next level. He yells at the players and screams whenever something good or bad happens. I can hear him through the bedroom door but I’m tired of being the nag that tells him to quieten down. I refuse to act like his mother.
- He wants to have a lot more sex. This is a biggie for me. It seems that almost every night now, my boyfriend reaches over and asks for sex. I get that we have the opportunity to have more sex now that we live together 24/7, but my sex drive isn’t that high. Now, I dread going to bed. On nights where he doesn’t bring up sex, I fall asleep like a baby. When he does bring it up, I sleep restlessly because I feel guilty every time he looks at me with those puppy dog eyes. I’m just not the type of woman that can have sex on command. Him asking all the time has taken away the romance and I can’t get into the new program. There’s no more spontaneity. I’m afraid that having different sex drives will ruin our relationship.
- He’s always talking about our future. I know that moving in is a big step, but my boyfriend is acting like it’s just a small step toward marriage. I’m not even sure that I want to marry him. He makes constant comments about how when we get married we can change this or that about the things we don’t like in our current home. I’m starting to think that maybe we moved too fast, at least for me.
- He’s making me dread coming home. All of the enthusiasm, noise, and lack of personal space is making me cringe when I think of coming home. A person’s home is supposed to be the place where they unwind and rejuvenate. For me, it’s turned into a battleground. Not between he and I, but all within myself. I regularly have to fight my instincts so I don’t snap and tell him everything that irritates or annoys me. I know that pointing out a person’s flaws continually leads to resentment and I don’t want that for us. I’m just tired of holding so much in. I don’t know if we’re going to go the distance. Moving in together may just have ruined us.