My BFF knows my deepest secrets, my biggest fears, and my quirkiest qualities. It’s never bothered me that she’s fiercely single because she has a lot of dating experience that she draws on when giving me relationship advice. Besides, she always my best interest at heart—or so I thought.
I was going through tough times in my relationship. I’d started dating a seemingly great guy but the more I got to know him, the more I realized he was actually quite toxic. He was out of a job and didn’t seem too interested in living in the real world. We clashed because I was trying to build a career and make something of myself while he was still renting out his parents’ garage. Naturally, I asked my BFF for advice.
She knew as much about my relationship as I did. The problems in my relationship continued and my BFF was always the one I turned to. Over cocktails, we’d analyze and discuss my relationship. God love her, she never grew tired of the subject and was always willing to give me feedback or just listen to me rant.
She was brutally honest, but not in a good way. She always told it like it was, with no frills or sugar on top. It was just the cold hard truth. That’s one of the things I’ve always loved about her and it’s refreshing to have a friend who’s so honest, but this time, I don’t know, something seemed different.
I could appreciate the point she was trying to make. She said I had to raise my standards and not put up with a gold-digging boyfriend. I knew she was right, but I wanted to take her advice in my own time. I didn’t want to be rushed but she couldn’t seem to understand that. In her eyes, if I knew she was right, I should act immediately.
She outright told me to break things off with him. One night, we were out having coffee and talking about my relationship drama yet again when she told me I was wasting my time and I had to end things with him right now. What? I told her I just wasn’t ready and she became impatient, telling me that I was stupid. WTF?
I was confused about why she felt so invested. I didn’t know why she’d take my relationship to heart so much. I mean, she’d never been like this before. She always gave me straight up, honest advice, but this was more personal somehow. She got angry when I told her I didn’t want to leave my BF. In fact, she even ended our coffee outing short because she was so pissed off. I felt guilty for having talked about my BF so much in the past few weeks. Maybe she’d grown tired of hearing about him and she finally cracked. Then I realized it wasn’t that at all.
She wanted me to be single. We both made up after that weird argument and she started inviting me out a lot more with her and her single friends. I was up for it because it was nice to have a distraction from my dramatic relationship, but I noticed how she always tried to sell the benefits of single life to me. We’d be dancing ’til dawn and when my BF texted me to see why I’d been quiet all night, she’d say, “You see? You could have so much more fun without him always checking up on you.” When I couldn’t see her because I had plans with my BF, she’d find something nasty to say.
She had ulterior motives all along. After this sort of behavior continued for weeks, I started to feel like she just wanted me to be single because she was single. She didn’t like that I was in a relationship, but I felt bad thinking that because she’d always had my back. I knew she wanted the best for me and my relationship wasn’t good for me at all, but I was about to discover that she was also toxic.
I dumped my boyfriend, but in my own time. I eventually lost my patience with my BF and dumped him. My bestie was really excited about this and she wanted to see me all the time once I was single again. She promised I’d find someone else, and I did. A few months later, I started dating an amazing guy and I couldn’t wait to introduce her to him.
She only had bad things to say about the new guy too. So she met my new boyfriend, who was a total sweetheart, and afterward, she told me that she didn’t like him. She couldn’t even tell me why, but she kept saying he was all wrong for me and I had to raise my standards. Yup, she was always resorting to that same old advice. What was going on?
She pulled away. When I told her how happy I was in this new relationship, I started to hear from her less. I still tried to stay in touch and make plans, but she kept pulling away from our friendship. It was weird. It was like she either wanted me to be single and have fun with her or she wanted me to be miserable in my relationships so that she could be my support system.
So much for being a good friend. Weeks and months went by of not getting text replies from her. When she did resurface, she always wanted to know if I was still with the guy and when I told her I was and that I was happy, she’d make a nasty comment about him or guys in general. It was like she felt betrayed by me because I wasn’t single like her. It was so wrong! It made me wonder if all the times she’d been there for me, she was just after her own agenda rather than because she truly cared about my happiness. With friends like these, who needs enemies?
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