My Boyfriend Keeps Complimenting Other Women On Instagram: What To Do About It

He’s your boyfriend, so why is he complimenting other women’s Instagram selfies? While it might seem like toxic behavior, it’s good to log off, take a few deep breaths, and then figure out how to deal with the situation. It might not be a big deal and is probably more harmless than you’d think. Here’s what to do.

  1. Look at the comments. You can’t just assume that he’s commenting on other women’s posts on social media because he’s up to no good. First, check out what exactly he’s saying. If he compliments his friend Jane for her excellent work promotion, that’s not exactly something to get worked up about, right? Same for if he congratulates his old high school friend for running a marathon. That’s just being supportive, not flirty.
  2. What about sexy posts? On the other hand, if he’s commenting on women’s hot bikini pics and telling the women in question they’re gorgeous, it can start to feel like he’s flirting and crossing a relationship boundary. After all, why is he complimenting other women’s appearance on Instagram when he has you right in front of him?
  3. Is he doing it in full view? If you have to stalk him online to find out what he’s commenting on other women’s social media posts because he doesn’t want you to follow him on Instagram, then that’s a red flag. What is he hiding? Bear in mind, though, that even if he’s doing this behavior in full view of you, it doesn’t mean it’s benign.
  4. Is it a one-off? Maybe he commented that one of his Instagram followers is looking beautiful in her latest no-makeup selfie. While that might get your blood pumping with anxiety or frustration, it’s worth checking out if this is a once-off or he’s always “liking” and commenting on her posts. Maybe he genuinely was complimenting her because he was trying to make her feel good. There’s not necessarily anything wrong with that.
  5. Is it always the same woman? Yup, your warning bells should sound if he’s always complimenting one specific woman on his friends list. This could make you feel that he’s building a connection with her or trying to impress her, so that’s not cool. It’s worth keeping an eye on their interactions, although they could very well be DMing each other. Ugh, it’s enough to make you mad.
  6. Is he adding tons of sexy women to his profiles? If the guy’s adding tons of hot women to the list of his Instagram followers, it might feel dodgy, whether or not he knows them in real life. It’s really about respect. It’s not the type of behavior you’d expect (or should accept) from someone who’s in a relationship with you.
  7. Think about your social media behavior. Chances are that if you had to scroll through your social media activity, you’d see that you’ve complimented a few guys online yourself. Maybe once (or a few times) the comments were about their looks or progress at the gym. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, so try to keep things in perspective before you allow the anxiety to get to you!
  8. Look at your relationship. Sometimes, these types of situations can be triggers for what’s going on in your relationship with the person. If your partner is fading you out or making you question if he’s really interested, seeing him compliment other women on Instagram may be enough to help you figure out where you stand.
  9. Confront your partner. If the issue is that something’s not going well in the relationship, then focus on that when you confront your partner. This will open up the lines of communication and help you to see if being with them is worth it or a waste of time. Similarly, if the issue is that your boyfriend is constantly flirting online with other women and it makes you feel uncomfortable, then you should chat to them about it – even if your relationship was going well before this. You don’t want the issue to become an obstacle on your path.
  10. They could be micro-cheating. If your boyfriend is flirting online and making you feel uncomfortable, then he’s guilty of micro-cheating. He might not be meeting these women offline and having physical affairs with them, but he’s still crossing a boundary and betraying you. Talk to him about how his behavior makes you feel. If he respects you and the relationship, he will stop and set some boundaries with his interactions with other women. Remember, just because you can see what he’s doing online, it doesn’t mean that it’s fair game for him to continue with his actions!

Seeing your boyfriend compliment other women on Instagram (or anywhere else online) can be frustrating and demoralizing, but it doesn’t have to end your relationship. You just have to be smart about it.

Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.