My Boyfriend Told His Sister She Could Move In With Us Without Asking Me

My boyfriend’s sister has been living with us for a month. I’ve tried to get used to her but I just can’t. Everything about how she came to live with us and how her presence is affecting our relationship is making it impossible for me to accept her with open arms.

1. He didn’t even ask me. My boyfriend came home one day and told me that his sister would be moving in with us. It was a statement, not a question. I was so upset that I went off on him. He came back just as hard asking me what he was supposed to do when his sister called him crying that she’d been laid off and had nowhere to go. That conversation should’ve let me know everything I needed to: that her presence was going to tear us apart bit by bit. There are several decisions you shouldn’t make without consulting your partner. His sister moving in falls under that list, but he just doesn’t see it that way.
2. We’d only just moved in together. When my boyfriend asked me to move in with him, I thought this was the first step we were taking toward marriage. In a lot of ways, I was right, but I didn’t know that our relationship heading to another level would come with so much expectation and burden. My boyfriend keeps telling me that if we’re going to make a life together then I need to accept all of him including his family. I get that, but I hoped we would get some time alone to enjoy this to experience truly. Besides, I think I should be a priority in his life. He should have asked me and been open to whatever answer I gave.
3. My boyfriend doesn’t expect his sister to contribute. Both my boyfriend and I do well, but not well enough to take on an extra mouth. Especially a mouth that still has savings in her bank account. I understand how hard it is to lose a job and the lifestyle associated with it, but I also think it’s unfair for his sister gets to live with us, eat our food, use up hot water, and not contribute a single penny.
4. He told her to stay as long as she needed. After a couple of weeks of living with my boyfriend’s sister, I finally got fed up and asked him how long she’d be around. When he told me that he told her to stay as long as she needed, I had no words. With that one sentence, my boyfriend confirmed that we weren’t on the same page. Moving in together was supposed to be something special to help us figure out if we could have a relationship that would last the test of time. Nowhere in that clause was an unwanted family member mentioned.
5. He doesn’t see a problem with his sister laying around all day. My boyfriend invited his sister to live with us under the pretense that she would stay with us until she could get back on her feet. All I see is her laying around watching Netflix all day. Whenever I ask her what she did all day, she always says nothing. That doesn’t sound like someone who’s trying to get back on her feet to me. I understand that she’s still grieving the loss of her job, but I think she’s just freeloading on her baby brother.
6. He feels that he owes his sister. When my boyfriend was younger, he and his sister went through a rough time when their mom started dating an abusive man. His sister always protected him and made sure that he wasn’t anywhere near the violence. Thankfully, his mom is now remarried to a kind man, but my boyfriend still feels like he owes his sister. The worst part is that I can see her manipulating him. She always mentions how great it is to have him take care of her after the way she took care of him. I can see how manipulative she is but my boyfriend just can’t. If things don’t change soon, then I’ll have to get myself out of this situation because I refuse to be a part of the dysfunction.
7. He always takes his sister’s side. My boyfriend’s sister is messy. I get that people are different, but when you live with others, I think it’s important to be thoughtful. I’ve told my boyfriend’s sister to pick up after herself and to try to be neat but she’s ignored me. Recently, she told my boyfriend I was mean to her. It’s this kind of manipulation that I hate.
8. He stopped spending money on me and spends it on his sister. My boyfriend and I used to go out and do fun stuff all the time, but now he gives his sister money and tries to get her to leave the house. He tells me that he’s worried that she’s spending too much time indoors, but all I see is that she has become his priority. My boyfriend is my priority, and I should be his too. He hasn’t even noticed that we haven’t spent any alone time since his sister arrived. To say that I’m feeling neglected is an understatement.
9. He’s making me doubt whether I want to marry him. The whole point of moving in together was to see what life together would be like. If this is what it’s like then I don’t want in. I don’t want to bring children into an environment where they and their mother are not their father’s priority. I get that there are ups and downs in every relationship and that sacrifices must be made. I just wish that I got to have a say. My boyfriend has always made me feel loved and empowered. I haven’t felt any of that since his sister moved in.