I firmly believe that men who are close to their mother make better partners. I’m thrilled that my boyfriend and his mom are thick as thieves because it’s made him sensitive, communicative, and open to commitment. At the same time, it can be hard to know where the boundaries are between her as his mama and her inserting herself in our relationship. She can’t stop asking when we’re getting married and it’s driving me nuts.
- I don’t trust men who have mommy-issues. I’ve dated guys who have hatred or indifference to their mothers and it’s come back to bite me in the butt every time. When a guy grows up distant from his mother, emotionally or physically, I’ve found they’re much harder to talk to about anything deep or personal. They’re judgmental, stubborn, and harder to be around. It’s not always their fault, it’s just how it goes. Thankfully, my boyfriend is close to his mom and that’s a huge plus.
- It’s special to me that my boyfriend’s mother loves me. I want my family to be close to my significant other and I want the same thing from his inner circle. It’s more than just wanting his mom to think I’m pretty – I’m thrilled that she talks about me to her friends and tells him constantly how perfect we are together. It’s validating to have the most important woman in his life respect my place in it and think I’m good enough for her son.
- I wouldn’t want her to feel shut out of our relationship. Since they’ve always been close, I think his mom would resent me if we made her feel like she had no business in our business. It’s easy to keep to yourself when you and a significant other are just starting out, but she likes to be a part of it. When she calls or checks in on one or both of us, we’re happy to respond and show her that we care about keeping her in the loop.
- But her imposing her will isn’t cool either. As content as we are keeping her in the know, when she crosses the line and tells us how to live our lives, it strikes a nerve. We’re thrilled to finally be old enough to make our own decisions and move forward as a couple, and when she’s always making the timeline of our own lives clear, it gets pretty frustrating.
- She keeps making comments about our wedding, even though we’re in no rush. I know how much his mom loves me and how she can’t wait for us to get married, but she talks about it constantly. He hasn’t even bought a ring yet and she’s always asking me when we’re getting engaged. She even started sending me messages about our honeymoon, which is skipping at least five steps!
- I’m antsy too, but we aren’t stable enough to take that step. It’s not that I’m not excited for it because I’m absolutely ecstatic to start our life together. But before that can happen, we need time to figure out what our future is going to look like. When we are settled with full-time careers or at least a semblance of an idea of what’s coming next, we’ll take that step together.
- When it does happen, I want it to be because we’re ready, not because we feel pressure. I know plenty of people who jump the gun with engagements and marriages because they think they should. Family and friends make comments about when it’s going to happen and then they move forward because it’s what’s expected not what they really want. I have no interest in being one of those people.
- I know his mom is just excited for us but I never know what to say. The worst part about all her texts asking about the future non-existent wedding is that I don’t know how to respond. If I change the subject, it looks like I’m deflecting, and if I answer vaguely, she asks for more clarification. It’s like no matter what, I can’t win.
- Part of me worries if she’ll always be overly invested in our relationship. I have to imagine that one day when we’re already married and it’s not so fresh, she’ll give us some more space, but honestly, I’m not so sure. There could totally be a world in which after marriage it’s kids, and then who knows what.
- For now, I’ll try to remember that she’s coming from a place of love. I know she’s excited for our future and that’s why she’s on top of us, and I’ll remind myself of that when she’s on my last nerve. At the end of the day, I’m glad she’s invested in our happiness and that she loves me as a person and as the woman for her son.
