My Healthy Relationship Is Turning Me Into Someone I Don’t Even Recognize

Being in a committed relationship with someone I know is good for me is kind of scary. It’s forced me to grow and become a better person. The old me is gone and I’m left with a healthy, happy, thoughtful human being I barely recognize anymore. What the hell?

  1. I feel all the feelings to the point that I might explode. I’ve liked guys before—hell, I’ve even loved guys before—but not like this. I feel so much for this person that I hardly know what to do with myself. He’s crawled into my head and made a home inside of my brain. He’s the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning and the second to last thing I think of when I go to bed (the first being my dog). I feel so many feelings that it makes me low key nauseous sometimes.
  2. I actually express my feelings instead of bottling them up. Expressing my emotions has never been easy for me. In fact, it used to be the number one complaint I heard from my boyfriends. I thought I was incapable of truly opening up and letting my partner in, but as it turns out, it was the guys I was dating who were to blame for that. I’m not saying there was anything wrong with them, but I definitely didn’t feel comfortable enough to truly pour my heart out like I do in my current relationship.
  3. Jealousy and suspicion have no place in our relationship. I don’t lose my mind if I haven’t heard from my partner all day. Why? Because I know he’s probably busy and will text or call me when he’s free. I can’t remember a past relationship in which I’ve felt so calm all the time. It’s such a relief.
  4. I’ve turned into a planner. I used to be super spontaneous, or maybe I was just lazy. Whatever the case, I never cared to make long-term plans, not even with my friends. Sitting down and making plans a few months in advance always sounded like a total chore to me, but now I love it. I plan dinners, weekend getaways, and couple game nights with my partner and our couple friends and I love it. 
  5. I think of my future a lot and he’s always in it. The idea of getting married doesn’t make me go, “Ew, gross!” the way it used to in my past relationships. While I don’t know that the guy I’m with will ever be my husband, I can say that I don’t fear the possibility of spending forever with him. In fact, it seems like exactly what I want.
  6. I share everything with him. My best friend used to be the only one I talked to about everything. She’s still my bestie and I still go to her for life advice, but I talk to my partner the same way I talk to her. Both my best friend and the person I’m dating know my deepest darkest secrets and they both love me in spite of them. It’s strange trusting my partner enough tell him the manipulative crap I did in my past relationships, but that’s where I’m at.
  7. I’m actually invested in my partner’s life. I don’t just care if he lives or dies, I care if he succeeds. I want him to achieve his goals as much as I want to achieve my own. Don’t get me wrong, I care about my success and I’m not putting my interests aside for the sake of my relationship, but I’ll fight for my partner’s dreams as hard as I’ll fight for mine.
  8. I don’t dumb myself down or stay quiet about my thoughts, feelings, and opinions. I’m a vocal person most of the time, but I’ve always had a tendency in past relationships to speak quietly and cautiously. Not anymore. I don’t know if it’s because I’m older and give less of a crap what anyone thinks or if it’s because of how naturally comfortable I am with my partner. Either way, I speak up in this relationship. Candor is pretty much my middle name and my partner loves it.
  9. I actually learned how to cook for him. I don’t even like home-cooked meals and yet here I am, in the kitchen (the worst place to be, in my opinion) making dinner for my significant other. I don’t know why or how this happened. Maybe Pinterest is to blame or every Disney movie in the world, but now I actually care whether or not I can successfully prepare a meal for the guy I’m dating. He doesn’t expect it but I still want to do it.
  10. I pay attention to everything. I know every small thing I could possibly know about my boyfriend, not just because he’s told me but because I pay close attention to everything he says and does. I know he loves his family more than anything, I know he has three freckles on his arm, I know he’s not ticklish at all, and I know he has no idea what the hell he should be doing career-wise. I love the little things that make up his person, and it’s a new but wonderful feeling.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.