My Independence Is Ruining My Relationship

Being independent and self-sufficient are generally great qualities, and I’m super proud of having both. However, being so badass has started to work against me in my relationship to the point that it’s threatening to destroy us. I’m pretty sure it’s not normal for me to be so annoyed by the guy I’m dating, right?

  1. My boyfriend calls me all the time. Even when we’re seeing each other that night, my boyfriend will call me on his lunch break at work. Don’t get me wrong, I do miss him when we’re apart, but if we’re about to go on date night in a mere few hours, then why do we have to talk at all? Surely we’d have more to converse about on the date if we abstained from communication for that day. I just don’t get it.
  2. He double texts me all the time. I’m all for a few text messages to maintain the connection when we’re apart. However, if I don’t reply for a couple of hours because I’m in a work meeting or with a friend, then he’ll double text me. He knows that I’ll always text him back eventually, so I don’t know why he doesn’t just let me get back to him in my own time.
  3. I love my own space. The problem is that I’m one of those people who likes their own space—both physically and emotionally—and my boyfriend isn’t. He’d happily spend all day in each other’s pockets and then text or call all night. Sure, it’s a sweet notion because it shows how much I mean to him, but that’s just not me. 
  4. I’m a big believer in having your own life. When it comes to being in a relationship, I’m a big believer in each person having their own separate identities with dreams, goals, hobbies, etc. Why? Well, it’s healthier this way. Plus, if anything happened and the relationship went south really quickly, which happens a lot in this day and age, then at least my whole world wouldn’t be rocked. It’s a smart way to do things in my opinion. I’ll follow my heart but use my head at the same time. Sorted.
  5. I’m happy to go for days without seeing my guy. Due to my independent nature and willingness to have my own life, I’m only too happy to go for days without seeing my boyfriend at all. I mean, I know I’m going to see him eventually, so it only makes me miss him and look forward to seeing him more. If I go out with him all the time, I take him for granted and bad things start to happen.
  6. Every little thing that he does starts to grate on me. For example, if we’ve spent too much time together of late, it gets to the point where every little thing that he does irritates me. From the way he sneezes to how he washes the dishes, I feel like I’m in dire need of some peace and quiet. It’s times like these where the thought of an evening alone with Netflix and takeout makes me light up in sheer delight. To me, there’s honestly nothing better.
  7. My constant need to be alone causes arguments. Because of the fact that my boyfriend and I are so different and I need to be alone much more than he does, it can cause friction in our relationship. In fact, we’ve had full-on arguments about it before. When it comes to communication, he thinks I’m being rude when often I’m just busy. Then, when it comes to the amount that we see each other, he thinks I don’t love him just because I relish my alone time.
  8. I’ll never change. Gradually over time, my boyfriend has come to realize that my fierce independence is just part and parcel of who I am. I can’t help it any more than he can’t help wanting my attention continuously. Even though it caused conflict at first, he eventually began to understand my personality better and cut me some slack.
  9. I’m learning to compromise. Just as my boyfriend tries to be more patient with me, now that he knows more about who I am, I’m also trying to be more patient with him. Instead of being stubborn and refusing to bend my ways, I’m now trying to adapt and compromise according to what makes both of us happy—and that’s what being in a relationship is all about. 
Katie Davies is a British freelance writer who has built a career creating lifestyle content that caters to the modern woman. When she's not sipping tea, shopping, or exploring a new city, you'll probably find her blogging about her fashion and travel adventures at