My Last Boyfriend Was A Psycho & I’ll Never Be The Same Again

My Last Boyfriend Was A Psycho & I’ll Never Be The Same Again ©iStock/Supersizer

Most women have at least one ex that makes them shake their head and wonder, “WTF was I thinking?” For me, that was this psycho dude I dated who was dripping with charm but showed zero remorse for his BS behavior, gaslighted me constantly and brought way too much drama to my doorstep. I kicked him to the curb, but the lessons the relationship taught me have stayed with me to this day.

  1. I’m stronger than I thought. Dealing with a psycho was exhausting. I never knew when the drama would strike or what he would do next because he was so unpredictable. After ending things, I berated myself for a while for wasting so much time, energy and love on someone who, as Lana Del Rey sang, had “no room for light.” But then I remembered that I survived his crap while he’s probably still stuck in it, and I’m proud of myself for that.
  2. I know what I want and I’ll never settle for less than that again. Nothing makes you realize what you’re really looking for in a relationship than dating a psycho who shows you everything you don’t want, such as a possessive partner or unstable partnership. I’m far more perceptive now when getting to know new guys, and if I see any red flags, I shut it down before things can go any further. I deserve a guy who knows what love is and can do it well. Anything less is unacceptable.
  3. I’ve become picky and I’m proud of it. Sometimes I start to think I might be too fussy when choosing dates, but dating a psycho taught me that  I deserve nothing but the best. I’ve been with the wrong guy on way too many occasions and I don’t want to be in a toxic situation again. I’ve become less tolerant of people’s BS, big and small and I’m really proud of myself for it.
  4. My time is valuable and I won’t waste it. Now that I’m off the crazy roller coaster of my last relationship, I feel so empowered by the fact that I actually got out. I know I’m capable of walking away from a bad situation, and I’ll do it even quicker in the future.
  5. I deserve someone who shows interest in me. The thing about dating a psycho is that he’s so wrapped up in his own drama that dating him often made me feel like I was invisible. It was crappy, but it taught me that one of the qualities the next guy should have is genuine interest in I am. Self-absorbed guys need not apply.
  6. I look for the best in people, but there are limits. Although I had good intentions by trying to see the psycho’s positive qualities, I realize now that I shouldn’t have to try so hard to find the best in someone — especially not if it’s covered by all their fatal flaws. These won’t change and I won’t stick around or waste my time on Mission Impossible.
  7. I know how to spot red flags and I’m done ignoring them. After dating a psycho, I’m able to spot red flags that much more quickly — and I’m done ignoring them. For now on, if even the smallest thing seems off, I’ll get out before crap blows up.
  8. I don’t have to carry BS relationship baggage around with me. When the psycho left me, he he left me with a serious lack of confidence — but all that insecurity stems from the psycho himself. He was a master at making me seem like I was the crazy one, and now that I realize that, I’ve completely let the baggage of our relationship go. I’m an amazing woman, and no guy will ever make me forget that again.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.