Spending the rest of your life with one person is not all it’s cracked up to be. Each new day does not come with its own special box of rainbows and unicorns. I have to admit there are so many things I was led to believe about marriage that turned out completely different when I finally said “I do.”
Marriage will make you happy.
For the longest time, I was of the opinion that getting married would bring happiness and fulfillment to my life like nothing else ever could. That is so untrue. Sure, being with someone you love will make you feel good and accomplished, but that feeling isn’t always going to be there. You’ll learn things about your partner that will make you like them less. You’ll get on each other’s nerves. You’ll feel like they’re holding you back. You’ll actually have to find a way to be happy by yourself.
Your spouse will be everything you need.
I always laugh when people say your husband or wife should be your best friend. Sure, it’s amazing if they are, but you still can’t count on them to meet all your needs. That’s just not how people work and you’ll just be putting too much pressure on them. No matter how wonderful your marriage may be, you’re going to end up disappointing each other a few times and you’ll definitely need things outside of your relationship.
Having kids will bring you closer.
When couples are experiencing some problems, they usually think bringing a baby into the picture to resolve their issues. This myth has proven to be false. Research has shown that having a baby brings plenty of stress to a marriage and may even make couples grow apart. A child will actually give you less time to focus on your marriage. Some of the biggest fights I’ve had with my partner have been about our kids.
Your sex life will gradually become boring and unsatisfying.
It’s a total myth that marriage signals the end of passionate, fun, and satisfying sex. I promise you will not be doomed to a lifetime of missionary. There’ll be times when sex is not as exciting as it used to be or when you don’t even want to do it, but it’s nothing healthy communication and quality time together can’t fix.
You’ll never be lonely.
As someone who suffers from depression and a horde of anxiety disorders, loneliness hits different. I hated being away from my partner while we were dating and I thought that getting married would mean never have to deal with that again. I still feel overwhelmed by loneliness sometimes and he can’t always give me the attention that I crave, so I’ve learned to find some satisfaction on my own.
Your spouse will always know how you feel.
You might be tempted to think that because you’ve been married for quite a while, your partner should know how to read your mind, love you right, and be in tune with your emotions. It’ll help to realize on time that your partner is not a mind reader and they will not always understand or be able to fix how you feel.
Doubts will never arise if you’re with the right person.
Even during its best moments, marriage can be a gut-wrenching experience. Every now and then I wonder if and how my life would be different if I was with someone else. Did I make the best decision by getting married? What if things don’t work out? The occasional fears and doubts about your partner and the state of your relationship are perfectly normal.
Going to bed angry is a bad idea.
I think this is the most ridiculous myth of all. Some arguments cannot be resolved in one day, and insisting on dealing with the issue before either of you get to sleep is probably only going to escalate things. Save yourself the trouble and sleep on it. You’re stuck together for life anyway, so there’s plenty of time to thrash out the issue.
A good marriage does not require hard work.
Loving and committing to someone is a job, you actually have to put in the work to get great results. My partner and I invest a lot of attention and time and effort into our marriage. That is why it works. If you’re expecting marriage to be all smooth sailing, there are huge waves coming to surprise you.
Love will solve all your problems.
It won’t. Love alone will not power your marriage. People tend to think that being married will be living with your best friend all the time. The truth is, sometimes my partner is like an annoying passenger sitting next to me on a flight, and I can’t switch seats or get off until the plane hits the ground. Over time, you’ll find that communication, understanding, tolerance, compromise, loyalty, a strong army of friends, and hobbies will actually make your marriage a lot stronger than love ever could.
Counseling is for troubled marriages.
The essence of couple’s therapy is to strengthen relationships and give you a better understanding of what goes on it. Going to therapy does not mean your marriage is on the rocks. It can actually help you see warning signs ahead before the alarms go off.
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