Don’t get me wrong — I’m not a cold, hard bitch like most people think. I just prefer to eliminate the dramatic overkill when it comes to displaying emotions in relationships, and to be honest, I’m looking for a guy who’s got a cucumber just as cool as mine. Here are 10 reasons I need a man who’s just as emotionally detached as I am:
- It makes the early stages of the relationship so much easier. A lot of people struggle with this one because the early stages of the relationship often mean emotions are running high. While that’s part of the fun of the chase for some people, I just don’t need the drama and anxiety of wondering if he’s going to call, if I’m going to call, or if it’s going any further than our first date. Common courtesy is a requirement, of course, but I’m not going to stress out if he bounces after the first time we hang out. I’m not that emotionally invested, and he shouldn’t be either.
- Fights, like, aren’t even fights. When you have two people in a relationship that are both all genuinely “whatever” about things, it makes conflict resolution that much easier. He doesn’t like the way I did something? Okay, duly noted, dude. If I feel it’s something worth changing for my own betterment, I’ll thank him for the heads up. If not, I’m not going to and we’re not going to argue about it one way or the other. I respect him as a person enough to know that he knows what’s best for himself, and I expect the same in return.
- Nothing gained, nothing lost. Nobody wants to stay in a relationship that’s evidently going nowhere, and when you’re not being led by your emotions, it’s easier to cut your losses and move on than moon over an ending relationship that probably wasn’t going too far anyway. I know I probably sound like a complete relationship skeptic — and yes, if you’re wondering, I have been burned in the past — but I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I don’t need the unnecessary dramatics.
- I’ve been through enough in life — I’m ready to make myself my number one priority. Hopefully he likes and appreciates me as much as I do, because due to my past experiences, nobody’s ever going to get me down. I’ve been there too many times. I’ve been toasted and roasted and put on a spit, and I’ve learned my value the hard way. If that means I have to be emotionally detached from my partner in order to preserve my self-confidence and keep my self-worth in the cloud in which I float, then so be it. It’s not his fault, it’s not my fault, but self-preservation kicks in. Some people might call it “guarded” but I call it “smart.”
- When things go south, I have something steadfast to which I can cling. Me. Yep, you read that right: just me. I’ve cycled through enough relationships to know that the last man standing is always going to be me, and since I have to live with that — and myself — it’s imperative that I learned to love, appreciate and respect myself the way that I would have the “ideal” man in a relationship do. It’s easy to let emotions cloud the air when things are unraveling, but when I know at the end of the day that I’m still going to be me, it’s something of a comfort.
- And cling I will. Nothing will ever replace the way I feel about myself because no matter how far he “advances” in my life, there’s always going to be that buried little nugget of reserve I’m going to exercise within the relationship. No, it’s not because I’m afraid of getting hurt: it’s because I know my value, and I’m not going to let a guy project his feelings onto me so as to tarnish them.
- On the flip side, I don’t want any hurt feelings for him. I’m not a cold-hearted monster: even if I’m not into a guy (or if he’s an outright jerk), I don’t want him unnecessarily hurt. Going into the relationship, it’s easy to gauge whether or not he’s going to be as cool and level-headed as I am, and I’ll know kind of what to expect if I decide to pull the plug on this one. I’m not out to hurt anybody, and if we have an understanding then we can just have fun.
- Less emotional attachment, less dependency. I’ve come a long way in my life and I don’t ever want to go back to a dark place I once was, where I depended on a man for everything — even the things that weren’t his responsibility, like my fragile little feelings, ever-wounded ego and well-being. There’s nothing wrong with being a DIY one-woman show, and if I put all the cards in my partner’s hand, it’s inevitable that I’m going to get hurt. Nobody should have that kind of sway over me because humans are fallible and will end up disappointing me and dashing my expectations to hell without even being intentional about it.