If You Need Me To Play Games Or Be “Mysterious”, We’re Not Going To Work

Why is “mystery” such a coveted quality to have in dating? After a couple decades on earth, we become complete human beings with vastly different backgrounds and opinions. Isn’t that enough mystery? From what I’ve seen, being labeled as “mysterious” is really just a romantic way to say that someone is standoffish, rude, or guarded – which basically means they’re jerks and not worth my time. The right guy will love the real me, no matter how much “mystery” I possess.

  1. I have no patience for games. Unless you’re naturally aloof and never share your true emotions, then you’ll be faking the mysterious persona, and isn’t that just another pointless mind game? Who has the patience for that BS? You can either like me as I am or you can move along.
  2. I’m fascinating enough without the mystery. I’m barely into my third decade alive, but you know what? I’ve experienced some bonkers ups and downs already. I have stories to tell. You’ll never be bored in my presence because I have a lot to say for myself. Mystery is not required, nor should it be.
  3. I don’t want to waste my time. I’m a busy woman and barely have any free time to myself. Why would I waste any of that precious time trying to be something that I’m not just to impress a guy? That just sounds exhausting and I have better things to do.
  4. I don’t want to waste anyone else’s time. If I need to play hard to get and constantly send you mixed signals in order to keep you interested then this is never going to work. Just like I value my time, I don’t want to waste anyone else’s.
  5. This is not a rom-com. Don’t get it twisted – I LOVE watching rom-coms. However, I certainly don’t want my real life to emulate one. Rom-coms are over-the-top with sexist, outdated tropes, and I’m not just the clumsy girl, the mysterious manic pixie dream girl, or the uptight career woman. None of us are just one thing. We are all things.
  6. There’s nothing wrong with loving hard. When I like someone and I feel a genuine connection, I have no use for playing it “cool” and “mysterious.” I’d much rather make my feelings known so there’s no confusion on what I want or where I stand. I won’t change the way I love for someone else. And if it’s the right guy, I won’t need to.
  7. Real men don’t scare easily. A real man will see me as I am, sans mystery, and won’t be easily freaked when I share my true emotions. Real men can handle emotions, and don’t need to pretend like showing interest is a bad thing when it comes to dating because that’s stupid.
  8. I shouldn’t have to change myself for anyone. Conventional dating advice will tell you to play it cool, not be too nice, and keep your feelings hidden in the beginning. To me, that feels a whole like conforming to the old-school ideas of how women should behave in order to appeal to men. Isn’t this 2016? I don’t need a man. I’m perfectly fine on my own. So if I choose to spend time and energy on someone, they can take the real me or they can GTFO.
  9. Mixed signals cause drama. You can’t have a rom-com without mixed signals because mixed signals always lead to drama. When two people are trying to remain so chill that they never open up to each other, needless miscommunications are bound to ensue. Why bother when you can just be up front with each other right off the bat? Mystery and drama are for high schoolers.
  10. You’re lucky to have my attention at all, tbh. I choose my crew very selectively, and if you’re a person I adore, then you have my attention, my loyalty, my unwavering support, and all the junk food in my kitchen. Basically, if you have me in your life, you should consider yourself damn lucky, and the amount of “mystery” I have is meaningless because I’m perfect with or without it.
is a freelance writer for Bustle and Petcha, and editor for Wise Bread. She suffers from separation anxiety, and can't bear to be away from her dog for more than 20 minutes. Her dog doesn't seem to care either way. Sweater season is her favorite season.