I Need A Very Patient Man And I Won’t Apologize For It

I’m the first to say that I’m not an easy girl to date. I’m an awesome girlfriend and I love the hell out of my guy, but I’m complex and I have a lot going on. I’m also scarred from years of bad relationships and very apprehensive when it comes to dating. Here’s why I need a man who can stay calm and steady for me.

  1. I’m cautious about dating. I never know if I’m really ready to be in a relationship. For this reason, I’m hyper-vigilant about the little details of dating someone new, especially in the beginning. I subconsciously search for any red flags or warning signs I may be missing because I’ve missed them so often in the past. It can be hard on a new guy to feel this scrutinized, try as I might to cut it out. I need someone who doesn’t take it personally.
  2. I worry excessively about repeating past mistakes. I’ve made so many mistakes in my life thus far and I’m scared I’ll continue doing it. The guy I’m seeing may not know it, but I’m constantly in my head about our relationship, what it means, and where it’s headed. I’m always looking for signs that he exhibits traits of my past boyfriends who didn’t work out. I don’t want to go through yet another heartbreak because I’m picking the same guys over and over.
  3. I get really bad hormonal mood swings. I can’t help this but it still requires a patient guy to deal with them. It’s difficult enough being me when they’re happening. I know that I’m acting nuts and I don’t have any way of stopping. I just have to try to breathe and take care of myself until they go away. It drives me nuts because it makes me feel like I can’t control my life.
  4. I frequently get way too into my head. I’ve always been a worrier, someone who thinks excessively and tries to fix everything. Most of the time, the poor guys I’m dating have no clue that I’m gauging their every move, trying to decide if we’re right for each other or not. I have no chill, no matter how hard I try. The only way I can deal is to talk it out, so I need a guy who’s willing to do that with me.
  5. I have an inherent distrust of men. I don’t know where it comes from, but I have a very difficult time trusting men, even if they’re great guys. I only date really nice, sweet men for this reason, but it’s still tough for me. I can tell myself all day every day that I’m with the most trustworthy guy who ever lived but the little voice in the back of my head will still whisper doubts.
  6. I have strong defense mechanisms. I can be a tough nut to crack initially, especially before a guy has built any trust or rapport with me. I try to be open and vulnerable, but truthfully, it’s difficult for me to go there. I have a lot of baggage and I’ve been hurt and rejected a number of times. I’m very cautious with my heart. It takes a man who really wants to be with me to get past all that.
  7. It takes me a long time to open up. Because of all the walls I’ve built up over the years, it’s hard to let people inside to see the real me. I’m great at using humor and other defenses to keep everyone at a distance without them even realizing it. I need a guy who’s willing to stick with me. He has to see through the defenses to the valuable, worthy human I am inside it all and recognize I deserve his patience.
  8. I have a horrible fear of being hurt. I don’t deal very well with heartbreak and pain, so I’m scared to encounter it again. I have a very difficult time opening up to men because I’m so afraid it’ll just go to shit like it has every time before. I’m stronger now, but I still worry that I’ll collapse as soon as I let my defenses go. I hate it, but I don’t know how else to function. I need a guy who gets it and helps me through.
  9. I’m independent and need my space. The other problem is that despite all my need for affection and stability in a relationship, I also really like being single. I need a lot of time alone. It’s tough to find a guy who understands the delicate balance between spending enough time together and giving each other space. I have a hard time figuring it out myself sometimes.
  10. I also need to feel very loved and appreciated. Like I said, it can be hard to find a balance. I want to keep my independence while always knowing the person I’m with values me. I can’t stand being taken for granted — it’s the fastest way to lose my interest. I have to be with someone who can maintain a constant dialogue with me about how we’re doing and what we both need. I also have to feel totally comfortable asking for what I want.
  11. I’m a complex woman working through a lot of baggage. It feels embarrassing sometimes, but I shouldn’t be ashamed of who I am. I have a lot of complicated crap in my past but I’m stronger for all of it. I know I’m a good person and a wonderful partner. I just need the right man who I can trust to stand by my side through the tough times and love me for my flaws. I’m happy on my own, but I hope I find the guy who is patient enough to see that I’m worth a little effort.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.