I Need Regular Physical Affection And I Need A Dude Who Can Roll With That

My needs in a relationship aren’t that different from a puppy. I need near constant affection and reassurance but I’ll do anything for my partner in return. The problem is, not all guys seem up to the challenge of being an affectionate partner, but if he can’t deal with need for it, I’ll have to find someone else.

  1. I’m not an attention seeker… I actually can’t stand being the center of attention, especially if the cause of it is a PDA. If we hang out with his friends, I’ll be friendly and would never expect the limelight to all be on me. In fact, I’m probably more low maintenance than lots of the girls he’s dated before.
  2. …But I do expect lots of affection in a relationship. That said, one thing I do love is affection. Whether it’s kissing, cuddling or just a reassuring arm round my shoulder, affection for me is the key ingredient to any relationship. It shows that he cares about me and wants me to feel loved. More than that, a quick hug or a squeeze of the hand instantly reassures me when we’re out together than we’re on the same team.
  3. If I send a text, I want a reply. Affection isn’t just about being physical—it’s showing me that he’s there for me and thinking about me. If I text him, I don’t expect an instant response but he does need to reply. If he’s not bothered about staying in touch with me throughout the day, it probably isn’t going to work.
  4. I’m not needy, I have high expectations. These days, it seems that women are afraid to ask for what they want for fear of appearing needy, but there’s a difference between being overly needy and having reasonably high expectations of your guy. I’m only interested in dating people that are going to put the effort in with me. If expecting him to contact me once a day and be interested in what I’m up to sounds like too much, he shouldn’t bother.
  5. I need a guy who’ll make me feel good about myself. Sure, sex is a big part of any long-term relationship, but if we’re talking about what actually leaves me feeling good about myself, affection wins every time. It’s those little moments that show he cares about me that leave me walking round with that glowing expression. Being reminded that somebody’s thinking of you only takes a second but it means everything.
  6. I hate PDAs but he should want to be close to me. I’ve never been one to go in for PDAs. I don’t want to watch another couple making out in the street, so why would I subject anyone else to that? Affection isn’t about proving to the rest of the world what a hot couple we are, it’s him showing that he wants to be close to me. If he can’t resist pulling me into a hug, it shows me how much he loves being near me, not just in a ripping each other’s clothes off way.
  7. Affection builds intimacy. More than deep chats that last all night and a super healthy sex life, affection is what builds intimacy in a relationship. It’s that closeness that doesn’t exist as a means to an end but is enjoyable purely in its own right. It’s him finding ways to show me he’s thinking about me when we’re in a crowded discussion or showing me he’s missing me when we’re apart. I’d take affection over sexual tension any day.
  8. A hug means more to me than grand romantic gestures. It’s easy to get fixated on huge romantic gestures like surprize bouquets and weekends away, but unless he’s pulling one of these out of the bag every weekend, they’re just not going to cut it. That’s because, for me, you can’t bank these big gestures and then not make any effort for weeks on end—I need someone who’s going to be consistent in showing they care. Kissing me when I get home every day is far more important to me than that fancy holiday we went on six months ago.
  9. My favorite thing is cuddling up on the couch. If there’s one thing that gives me the warm and fuzzies, it’s cuddling up on the couch with my guy. Being able to enjoy each other’s company and take pleasure in the small things is the best sign that we really care about each other. Sure, I love going on dates, but it’s those little moments shared together that truly bring us closer.
  10. If he can’t handle this much physical affection, I’ll get a cat instead. Ultimately, affection is the one thing I really need in a relationship. Being affectionate shows that after three months or three years he’s still thinking about how to make me happy and show me I’m loved. It’s also the easiest thing a guy can do to show that he actually wants to be with me. If he can’t handle my craving for affection, that’s just fine… but I’ll be replacing him with a cat instead.
Isobel is a freelance blogger and writer for hire specialising in content for millennials who haven't quite got it together yet (i.e. herself). When not glued to her laptop, she enjoys eating cheese, doing yoga and spending time with family and friends.