If You Need To Snoop Through His Stuff, Why Are You With Him?

In order to keep your boyfriend in check, you have to check up on him, right? Wrong. If your trust issues are so serious that you’re actually snooping through his phone, computer, and social media then the problem isn’t just him, it’s your relationship. If you have to snoop, why the hell are you still with him?

  1. Relationships are built on trust. Yours is built on a bed of lies apparently. You’re pretending like you trust him but that’s not the truth. There’s no honesty in your relationship—not from him and not from you. There’s no true foundation to your relationship so eventually, it will all come crumbling down.
  2. Two wrongs don’t make a right. You think he might be deceiving you so you deceive him too? That’s not right. A woman who snoops is missing out on one key component of her relationship—communication. If you think something’s going on, you fear he’s unhappy, or if you’re worried he’s met someone new, all you have to do is ask.
  3. What are your expectations here? What exactly are you looking for? Is there even a reason you’re looking? I don’t know which is worse—having no reason to snoop and doing it anyway or having a real reason not to trust him and snooping rather than leaving his sorry ass. Either way sounds pretty pathetic, doesn’t it?
  4. What are you going to do if you actually find something? Confront him and admit you were snooping? You’d both be in the wrong. You’d realize that you can’t trust him but there would be no forgiveness unless he’ll agree to let you look through his things from now on. He’ll start to feel like a criminal, as you go through his daily history and start to resent you. Bottom line—snooping is the beginning of the end of your relationship.
  5. You can’t trust him. That’s what snooping says. You can’t lie to yourself anymore. Once you snoop, you have to face the fact that you don’t trust him and now you never will. You need to be with a man you don’t have to worry about, someone who the thought of him betraying you wouldn’t even cross your mind. You deserve that—you just have to realize that.
  6. He can’t trust you. You obviously don’t trust him and now he can’t trust you because you’re going through his stuff behind his back. That’s the irony of this whole thing—you’re looking through his private information for any sign of a betrayal but snooping is a betrayal. Now you’re just as bad as he is—congrats.
  7. He has a right to privacy. Just because he’s your boyfriend doesn’t mean you have a right to snoop through all his stuff. There’s no contract that says he needs to surrender all his freedom the second he becomes your boyfriend. Sure, he shouldn’t be doing anything behind your back but that doesn’t mean you can dig for it behind his.
  8. Your relationship can’t recover from a betrayal like this. Once you open Pandora’s box, you can never erase the image of what’s inside. You gave into your temptation once and rifled through his things and you’ll want to do it again and again. It’s like a drug rush and you’ll never get over that high. You want to know his every secret and you’ll never forget it’s just a few fingertips away.
  9. At the end of the day, your relationship should have a sense of security. You don’t feel safe enough to trust him with your heart and that’s the real issue here. You should be with a man who doesn’t constantly make you worry. You don’t need that kind of anxiety in your life. Not all men will leave you with that kind of fear. If you can’t help but check up on your guy and snoop through his things then at the end of the day, you’re just not with the right person.
  10. No matter what you find, you still can’t put your faith in each other. The truth is you don’t have faith in each other. He can’t trust a woman who’s spying on him and you can’t trust a man that makes you feel obligated to snoop. Neither of you believes in the relationship. There’s no confidence in your love for each other. The relationship is eating away at your self-esteem and making you obsessed with control. Bottom line—you’re losing yourself, all because you’re afraid to lose a man you can’t even trust.
  11. You deserve better than a relationship built on lies. Whether they’re his lies or your own it doesn’t matter. Love isn’t always enough. Maybe you’re snooping to catch him in his lies, but then why are you staying with a man who only ever lies to you? Maybe you’re the one lying about the fact that you snoop, but then you’re just hiding the fact that you don’t trust him and he definitely can’t trust you. Your relationship is one big lie and it’s time to face the truth that at the end of the day, if you have to snoop, then you clearly shouldn’t be together.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.