Negging is a misogynistic technique used by self-proclaimed pick-up artists that is way too common and needs to stop. A guy — let’s call him Negging Ned — will approach a woman who isn’t necessarily supermodel hot (because how many of us are?), at which point he’ll deliver backhanded compliments and sinister, subtle, low-key insults. The idea is to dig at the girl’s self-esteem enough that she feels driven to seek his approval. Gross.
The entire premise is sickening. Picture being insidiously degraded until you’re compelled to prove your worth to some sleazy guy who can’t handle a genuine conversation with a woman and thus seeks to take her down a peg or two. This is just another immature, terrible philosophy meant to build up the egos of little boys who can’t bring themselves to view women as anything other than the givers of the vagina.
It revolves around the notion that women are too confident in themselves. No, seriously. A boy like Negging Ned negs you because he thinks that, collectively, women’s expectations of men are much too high. He’s of the opinion that women — specifically the women he finds attractive — think too highly of themselves. That’s why women won’t date him, you see. He’s a Nice Guy who can’t catch a break from any of these superficial ladies. All the girls he likes are just into typical bad boys who treat them like crap, so obviously, if he treats women horribly, they’ll fall all over him, too. All he has to do is let a girl know that she ain’t crap, and she’ll totally fall on his junk. That’s the thought process. Geez, ladies, how dare we have self-confidence? Who do we think we are, daring to know our self-worth? Why are we monsters?!
At its heart, negging is a control tactic. Guys who practice negging are desperately trying to control the women they approach. In particular, they want to control the narrative of the conversation and the course of the interaction. They bait women into talking to them. It’s a ginormous red flag. Granted, a lot of the guys who peacock this way are just looking for quick, easy sex, but plenty of them want relationships. No woman needs to share her oxygen with a creep like this.
Manipulative mind games are not sexy. Unfortunately, Negging Ned doesn’t realize that. He thinks that his mind games make him appear intelligent, clever, and so very virile. He’s such a smart, superior man, pulling reverse psychology on a bunch of shallow women who are too dumb to know what a Nice Guy looks like. He’s convinced that what he’s doing is sexy, that it’s a guaranteed success. In other words, he’s a jerk. There’s nothing sexy about being manipulated.
Screwing with someone’s mind to get laid isn’t sexy, either. Again: gross. I understand that being lonely is awful and that rejection is painful, but those sorry excuses don’t fly. My sisters, this is one reason why you need to run far and fast from any guy who sprinkles insults and put-downs into his conversation with you. He won’t bring anything good into your life.
The execution is typically sleazy. There’s a certain type of boy who negs women and a particular tactic these guys use. Typically, Negging Ned is very handsy, especially during his initial approach. He’ll place a hand on your arm or around your shoulders. Even if he keeps his hands to himself, he invades your personal space. While telling you that your hair color looks trashy, he’s trying to stroke your hair. As he opines that your dress isn’t doing you any favors, he’s attempting to slip his hand up your skirt. He ogles. He leers. He’s really creepy.
A guy who preys on someone’s self-esteem has serious issues. Negging Ned is full of problems. Think about how many insecurities he must have if he’s willing and eager to put down the women he wants just to trick them into talking to him. Negging Ned needs to get his act together if he ever wants to come across as anything other than a dumpster fire.
There’s no charm, wit, or charisma involved in negging. That’s what’s so pitiable about this. You see, Negging Ned thinks he’s setting himself apart from every other man who approaches you. He truly believes he’s a standout. He thinks he’s the cleverest, outsmarting all these over-confident women, letting them know who’s really in control. There’s no charm in ugliness, however.
Any guy who makes you work for his approval is a loser. Full stop. You don’t need anyone’s approval, let alone some skeevy rando at a bar or a club — or at the mall, the gym, the grocery store, work… they’re everywhere, is what I’m saying.
It’s rooted in hypocrisy and double standards. No fake, Negging Ned is the kind of dude who rants and raves about how women only like handsome jerks because they’re too superficial and shallow and stupid to look past his appearance and see what a Nice Guy he is. At the same time, old Neddy boy only goes after the hottest women he sees — and he finds flaws and imperfections in all of them. Negging Ned can kind of GTFO, you know?