By now, every millennial knows that “Netflix and chill” translates to “come over and have sex.” Of course, romantics aren’t interested in booty calls. We want to go on a real date at a real restaurant. If we can’t get that, we at least want “Netflix and chill” to be a little more sophisticated. If we ruled the world, all of these things would happen while the TV was on:
- He’d place an arm around your shoulder. Remember the good old days, when men would pretend to yawn to place an arm around a woman’s shoulder, but it wasn’t just a form of foreplay? Romantics would love for men to touch us without having to worry about where they’re going to move their hands next.
- You’d actually talk. Instead of pausing the show to make love, romantics would prefer to pause the show to have an intellectual discussion about it. We’d like to know our date’s feelings on the characters, plot, and dialogue choices.
- He’d cook you a meal. Instead of binging on the Taco Bell or Chipotle that we picked up on the way to our date’s house, romantics would prefer to arrive to a home cooked meal. The fact that our date made an effort to whip us up something delicious would score him major brownie points.
- He’d be dressed up. Romantics don’t want to show up at their date’s house to see him wearing gym shorts and a tank top. We want him to be dressed in jeans and the nicest shirt he has. It would also be nice if he had on a delicious cologne and took the time to shower beforehand. We know Netflix and chill means he hopes he won’t be wearing clothes for long, but he should at least make an effort.
- He’d pick you up. In the old days, men would pick up their date and drive them to wherever they were headed. It’s time to bring that notion back. It’s unfair for us to have to drive to his house, sleep with him, and then drive ourselves home without getting any cuddle time.
- He’d make plans ahead of time. An ideal date is planned. That way, we’ll have days to pick out our outfit and hours to plan out the makeup we’re going to wear. Of course, most men will just shoot us a random text and expect us to come over in the next hour. Romantics want that to change. We need prep time.
- You’d define the relationship. Way too many women go over to a man’s place to have sex, but they don’t know how to explain their relationship. Are we dating? Are we friends with benefits? We have no idea, but romantics won’t settle for that ambiguity. We want to know where we stand with the man we’re sleeping with.
- There wouldn’t be any technology. Aside from the screen with the word “Netflix” on it, romantics don’t want any other technology involved. If he’s staring at the phone more than he’s staring at us, something is wrong. Why would we even want to be chilling with him if he ignores us the entire time?
- You’d watch Netflix. If we were invited to someone’s house to watch Netflix, then romantics expect to actually watch Netflix. We don’t want to see five minutes of an episode, get invested, and then get distracted by our date’s genitals in their face. That wasn’t part of the plan.
- You’d kiss after the movie. Romantics aren’t all prudes. If we’re willing to have sex, we just want it to happen after the movie is over. Then we can be taken off of the grimy couch and into a romantic, candlelit bedroom to make love.
