For some reason, admitting you want a serious relationship has become something you have to do very carefully and at the perfect time. The conventional wisdom is that if you don’t want a guy to think you’re needy, high maintenance, or demanding, you need to play it cool. But that’s nonsense — there’s nothing wrong with not being interested in keeping things casual. If you want something more, you have every right to say that. You can find what you’re looking for, but only if you’re not ashamed to ask for it.
It’s really nothing to be ashamed of.
There are some people who prefer to be single or keep things casual at all times, and there are others who are more comfortable in a committed relationship. Neither is better or worse than the other, so why waste energy being ashamed of which category you fall into?
You don’t have to waste your time.
Putting effort into a relationship that is ultimately going nowhere isn’t something you have to do to eventually find love. You can choose to be single until the right person comes along instead. And to make sure you’re not wasting time with the wrong person, you have to be able to tell them what you’re looking for, even if it turns out they don’t want the same thing.
Timing is always a factor.
If you’re looking for something serious, that probably means you’re at a point in your life where casual relationships are no longer satisfying. We all (well, most of us) get there at some point, but if the person you’re with isn’t on the same page just yet, it’s better to know sooner rather than later.
What you want is always valid.
You want what you want and you’re under no obligation to explain yourself to anyone. You don’t have to justify wanting a relationship — it’s just what you want. You aren’t wrong for wanting it, so you should never feel like you have to hide it from anyone.
Being honest with yourself is the first step.
You can’t expect to get what you want if you don’t even know what you want. Take some time to figure out why you want to be in a relationship and decide if it’s a deal breaker. Are you willing to stop seeing a guy if he only wants to keep it casual? Once you know that, it will be easier to stick to your guns when the time comes.
You aren’t alone.
It’s not like you’re the only girl in the entire world who is looking for a relationship. You aren’t the lone party pooper who hates hook-up culture and wants something more. There are thousands of us out there and we know how you feel. It’s time for all of us to stand up for what we want and stop settling for less.
You have to be able to communicate what you want.
Communication skills are important in every part of your life, but they are absolutely essential when it comes to relationships. If you can’t clearly convey your expectations then you aren’t really giving other people the opportunity to rise to the challenge. If a relationship is what you want, say so — you might just be surprised at the reaction you get.
If he makes you feel bad about it, he’s not right for you.
If he uses the words “needy” or “controlling” or god forbid “ball and chain” when you mention you’re looking for something serious, run. He sees a relationship as an obligation and he has no intention of settling down anytime soon. You don’t need a guy who acts like you somehow forced him to be with you — it’s not worth it.
Why don’t you want to admit it?
What is the real reason you don’t want to admit you want something serious? Is it because you think it’s uncool to not be interested in casual relationships? Or do you have commitment issues that are holding you back from pursuing something real? It can be confusing when you want something but kind of don’t want it at the same time, but if you’re honest with yourself, you can figure it out.
There’s someone out there who wants the same things as you.
Even if it seems like finding someone who’s on the same page as you is mission impossible, it’s not. There is someone out there who is looking for what you’re looking for, but you’ll only find them if you’re willing to put yourself out there and say no to situations that aren’t exactly what you want.
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