If You Never Fight, You’re Not In Love

If You Never Fight, You’re Not In Love ©iStock/ABedov

Petty fights happen, and when they occur, it doesn’t mean that there’s any love lost. In fact, it means that the two of you are learning to grow and adapt together — you’re learning to communicate your differences, show independence and not just be a follower of your guy’s individual wants and needs. Here are a few reasons why an occasional fight will just make your connection even stronger:

  1. You’re reinforcing who you are as a person. Couplehood is great, but it’s always good to remember to always be the real you — the spunky individual your boyfriend initially fell in love with. When you fight, you stand up for yourself and your own values. Reinforcing your opinions and beliefs throughout time will just strengthen the relationship and remind your guy that he fell for a smart woman. Even if he might not recognize this important detail during the actual fight, he totally will after.
  2. You’re learning how to navigate differences in opinion. No two people are the same, and no two people should be the same. Having small fights now and then just prep the two of you for the bigger issues — especially if parenthood is in your future. You’ll disagree, but figure out a conclusion that both of you can live with.
  3. You’re reminding him that you’re more than just one unit. Know what’s gag-worthy? People who have shared Facebook accounts. It’s just reinforcing the idea that two people now only identify as one. When you depend on each other so much or perhaps trust each other so little that you can’t even have separate social media accounts, you’re going down a bad road. Fighting is a reminder that you’re both unique people, but together, you’re just a force to be reckoned with.
  4. You’re growing stronger. Know who fights? A woman with confidence. A woman with confidence stands by what she believes and becomes a much better person for it. Not only are you growing, but so is he — and when you get past the fight, you have an even better understanding of each other.
  5. Fighting makes both of you feel better. Fighting often takes place when there’s a lot on your mind. And while the process of fighting isn’t much fun, it’s the chance for both of you to express your feelings, and try to navigate past it. Once your “I can’t believe he still hasn’t taken out the trash” anger gets off your shoulders, you’ll feel good since you’re no longer holding it in. And when he realizes, “Wow, I really had no clue that me not taking out the garbage hurt her feelings so much,” he’ll be on the same page as you for once. Win win!
  6. You’re discovering both of your boundaries.  Men and women can both be kind of sensitive. And often, fights erupt after one of you hit a nerve that you were previously unaware of. Maybe he thinks his childish nickname of you is cute, but you secretly find it embarrassing. Maybe there’s a reason he’s not as close with his family as you are with yours. Regardless, fights just teach you where to draw the line and how to be better and more loving in the future.
  7. It lets you get to know your partner with all guards down. After the honeymoon period ends, you get to see someone’s true colors. When a fight arises, you’re seeing your partner in a completely different way — in fact, probably at his worst. And if you still want to stay together post-fight, you’re saying, “I can definitely accept you during your unreasonable moments, and it doesn’t make me like you any less.” Thus, love will grow stronger.
  8. It proves that together, you’re more stable than this petty fight. You never call it quits after an argument. Know why? Since you want to work it out, and be better, and because you see a future together — simply put, you love each other. No matter what, a silly fight won’t come in between your love. If you’re too afraid to fight, the relationship just isn’t as great as you want to believe.
  9. It expresses mutual respect. Sometimes fights can get dirty. But if you’re both talking, and both listening, it shows that you love and respect each other enough to hear each other out. With every disagreement, you’re working towards a conclusion that works for both of you, or at least a decent compromise. You care about each other, and never want to be mad for long.
  10. It shows that you’re comfortable with each other. You’re not afraid to cry in front of him, and he’s not afraid to open up to you and really let those emotions pour out. Neither are embarrassing, because you’re so comfortable with each other, that it’s not even a big deal. In revealing our weak and angry side, we let ourselves become kind of vulnerable. In a loving relationship, that vulnerability is never used to anyone’s disadvantage.
Karen Belz is a New Jersey native who is currently living in Maryland. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech Communication with a focus in Broadcasting and Print Media Studies from Millersville University of Pennsylvania. Since graduating, she has written for sites like LittleThings, HelloGiggles, and Scary Mommy and is currently an e-commerce editor at Bustle.

When she's not writing, she enjoys making her phone run out of memory after taking too many photos of her dog. You can find her on Twitter @karenebelz or on Instagram @karenbelz.