I’ve Never Had A One-Night Stand And It’s Taught Me A Lot

One-night stands seem to be pretty common in the dating scene these days but they’ve always seemed like a bad idea to me. The more I’ve said no to guys who suggested them, the more I’ve actually learned so much about myself and dating, including these 14 things:

  1. I don’t have to try it to know it’s not for me. One big thing one-night stands and not having them has taught me is that there are things I really don’t have to force myself to experience in order to know that they’re not for me. In this case, casual sex is a lot like drugs. I know they’re not right for me and so I won’t do them. It might sound inflexible and boring to some but I don’t care. I’m staying true to what feels right to me, and that’s what matters.
  2. How guys react to my views shows me who they are. Guys who’ve heard I’ve never had a one-night stand often seem really surprised, which is pretty annoying. Some think I’m super disciplined and want to know how I manage to say no to casual sex. Ha! It’s not about discipline—it’s easy to reject something that doesn’t interest me at all. Not having one-night stands has also shown me just how many guys think sex is so damn important to them. Ugh. Sticking to my guns helps me weed out the losers who are just after a booty call.
  3. I’ve seen the damage one-night stands can do. I’ve been there when friends sobbed after one-night stands because the guy didn’t call them afterward or made them feel used. I know this doesn’t always happen—some women have a great time during one-night stands and enjoy them for what they are—but knowing how easily I get emotionally attached, it’s best I stay far away from them.
  4. I’m doing myself (and guys) a favor. Since I get easily emotionally attached and am pretty sensitive, I’m actually helping guys out by not sleeping with them. They don’t want a clingy woman after a one-night stand or one who asks them if they have feelings for her. Hell no—they want a woman who’s as interested in not having any strings as they are. I’m not that woman and won’t degrade myself by trying to be her.
  5. I’ve had emotionless sex and it sucked. It stung badly. It happened during my first relationship, with the first guy I loved. One day the sex just felt like it had no feeling behind it at all. It was a horrible experience and I can’t imagine having that with someone else, even a stranger.
  6. I’m too romantic for my own good. I’ve always associated love with sex. When I get with someone new, I wait a while before getting into bed with him. I’m after a real connection, not just some quick physical pleasure.
  7. I don’t care about others’ opinions. Some guys (and women!) see me as a prude for not wanting casual sex. When they hear I’m not into one-night stands or dating without strings, they immediately think I’m not interested in sex. That’s such BS! I’m a very passionate person, I’m just fussy about how sex happens and with whom. I have high standards, for goodness’ sake.
  8. I’m a hypochondriac. The first time a guy asked if I wanted a one-night stand, the first thing that came to mind was: OMG, STDs. It made me see just how paranoid I am when it comes to health. I know that safe sex is a must, but even then some STDs can sneak through condoms. I’m too worried about that happening to me to go through with a one-night stand.
  9. I like being different. I’m not saying I’m better than people who have one-night stands, but in today’s hookup culture where everyone’s shagging each other at the drop of a hat, I like being different. I like having something else I’m looking for and something different to offer.
  10. I wouldn’t do it for the right reasons. A few times I was tempted to have one-night stands, but I knew deep down that the real reason why I wanted to was so that the guy would (hopefully) catch some romantic feelings. This is the biggest no-no for one-night stands— believing they’ll turn into relationships. It would just mess with my head and screw me up.
  11. Guys think they’re so cool for being casual. Since I’ve always looked at the hookup culture from behind a window, it’s interesting the insights that come to me. An example is how men see themselves after having one-night stands. Some guys really think it makes them more of a man or an amazing lover but really it doesn’t. God, it makes them sound pathetic, actually.
  12. I’m too awkward. Some people get excited at the thought of a one-night stand that’s filled with pleasure, but I see things that would make me feel really socially awkward. Like what happens after the sex, for instance. I can’t imagine the dread of wanting to leave but not being sure how to go about it, or the embarrassment at finding out the guy lives in his parents’ garage and then not wanting to be there but not being sure how to get out of it. Ugh. No thank you. Dating with clothes on causes enough anxiety as it is.
  13. I don’t get the hype. I don’t understand why one-night-stands are so special. Each to their own, of course, but I don’t see the hype. Are they about letting loose? Having sexual pleasure? The adventure of sex with a stranger? Meh. That sounds a bit overrated to me, especially since I can get all those things in other ways.
  14. I don’t want to be just a body. A UK study found that men and women treat the proposition of casual sex differently. Men tend to be more likely to accept a one-night stand regardless of the woman’s attractiveness. Just thinking that makes me feel sick. I want a guy to do something so intimate with me because he wants me and feels chemistry with me, not just because I’m a body to keep his bed warm. Ugh.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.