Never Let Someone Tame You—If They Don’t Appreciate Your Wildness, They’re Not Worth It

To have the courage to live so freely and be so wild is something truly spectacular, especially in a world where convention is often heralded. It’s also something that should never be tamed. That’s why if you meet someone who can’t see just how fantastic your wildness is, you need to let them go.

  1. Being an original isn’t easy to come by. When we’re taught our entire lives to play by the rules, live by the book, and follow the leader, it’s not always easy to break out of the mold and be an original. To have the necessary strength and courage to do your own thing and go against the boring old grain is something quite extraordinary even if you don’t realize it yet.
  2. There aren’t enough wild women in the world. You know why “Nasty Women” took off after Trump called Hillary Clinton “nasty”? Because there aren’t enough nasty, free-spirited, wild women in the world, and for those who are and who recognized themselves in that moment, it was something worth celebrating and screaming out at the top of our lungs. To be wild is to be nasty and to be nasty is to be wild and frankly, there should be far more of us than there are. Why the hell should we waste our time with someone who doesn’t appreciate that aspect of us?
  3. People aren’t meant to be caged. When someone is tamed, they’re caged. It’s not even up for debate. When you let someone tame you, you’re basically saying, “Here. I hand myself over to you so you can clip my wings, cage me, and only treat me like I’m something pretty to look at and nothing more.” Even the thought alone should depress you.
  4. You’re an inspiration. As a wild woman, you’re an inspiration to everyone else who’s too scared to be wild too. Not just your fellow women but men, babies, toddlers, your favorite barista you see every morning – everyone! Being an inspiration should be celebrated, especially since there’s no such thing as too many inspirational women.
  5. Taming is actually breaking one’s spirit. When I got engaged, my sister was so excited that someone was finally going to “tame” me. In her eyes, I’d run long enough and far enough and it was time to settle down. During our short marriage, my husband never got around to taming me – and not because he didn’t try. I just wouldn’t be broken and neither should you. There’s nothing more devastating to witness than a broken spirit. I’ve seen it happen to a handful of my friends and it’s something I’d never even wish on my worst enemy.
  6. You shouldn’t have to stifle yourself for anyone. When you stifle yourself, you put yourself on mute, you tone yourself down, and you go from a perfect shade of red to a boring shade of grey. Who wants that for themselves? Anyone who would want that for the woman they love doesn’t love her at all. They just love the idea of her and nothing more.
  7. Life is too short to be boring. This isn’t to suggest that if you’re not wild, you’re boring, but it is to suggest that if you let someone tame you, you automatically become their version of fun – and what if their version of fun is proper and blah and boring and ugh? No thanks. There’s nothing wrong with being the life of the party and there’s certainly nothing wrong with being the last one to leave the party – and I mean that party both literally and metaphorically.
  8. You’re not in the market to be changed. As we’ve all heard hundreds and hundreds of times, we should never try to change people, especially our partners. That being said, why should you let your partner change you by stripping you of your wildness? You shouldn’t, end of story.
  9. It’s a fundamental part of who you are. It’s not just about being wild unto itself or not changing who you are for anyone else, but your wildness is a fundamental part of who you are. It plays a role in everything you do, every decision you make, and even how you react to everyday scenarios. For someone to want to strip such an essential part of you from the whole you says a lot about that person—for example, they’re selfish AF and have zero appreciation for the finer things in life.
  10. There will be those who will never think of taming you. One of the best parts about being part of this whole thing called humanity is that there are millions of people out there from whom to choose when it comes to dating. For every person who wants to tame you, there’s probably more than a few who’d be delighted to call a wild woman like you their partner. Since that’s a fact, it’s stupid to change yourself for one when dozens and dozens would never ask such a thing of you.
Amanda Chatel is a sexual health, mental health, and wellness journalist with more than a decade of experience. Her work has been featured in Shape, Glamour, SELF, Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Elle, Mic, Men's Health and Bustle, where she was a lifestyle writer for seven years. In 2019, The League included Amanda in their "15 Inspirational Feminists Every Single Person Should Follow on Twitter" list.

Amanda has a bachelor's degree in English and master's degree in Creative Writing from the University of New Hampshire. She divides her time between NYC, Paris, and Barcelona.

You can follow her on Instagram @la_chatel or on Twitter @angrychatel.