Never Lower Your Standards — What You Put Up With, You End Up With

It’s easy to blame the other person when you end up in a crappy relationship, but the truth is that you have way more control than you probably even think about what you end up with. It all begins with what you’re willing to accept, and that journey starts when you’re single and looking for someone to share your life with. Here’s why you should never, ever lower your standards when it comes to love:

  1. You only have yourself to blame if he treats you like crap. Hate the way your boyfriend talks to you in public? Confused about why he keeps bailing on your dates and not showing up when he’s supposed to? Sorry, but you only have yourself to blame. You’re allowing himself to behave this way and treat you like crap. No one else is doing that.
  2. You have to value yourself first. You know how people say that until you figure out how to love yourself, you can’t expect anyone else to love you? The same thing applies to how much of a value you put on yourself. If you’re super insecure or don’t think you’re worthy of love, then you’re not going to get the love that you want and deserve.
  3. You’re in it for the long run. If you really want love, then you probably want your next relationship to be the real deal. You’re tired of casual and you would rather not waste your time with guys who aren’t serious. So if you’re searching for long-term love, then you absolutely need to set your standards high. There’s no way you wouldn’t. What, you’re going to end up with a jerk and be miserable for the rest of your life?
  4. You’ve seen the consequences. Whether you’ve watched your friends and their bad boyfriends or you’ve dated more than a few of those guys yourself (probably both), you’ve seen what happens when you don’t think carefully about who you should be with. Nothing good comes from having low standards and that’s a fact.
  5. You should be willing to wait. The problem with wanting a relationship right now is that you’re going to have to wait until you meet the right person. And the truth is that you should absolutely be willing to wait. If you can’t, then you’re going to end up lowering your standards because there’s no way that the next few guys you go out with are going to be who you want. Figure out what qualities matter the most and wait it out.
  6. You’re going to regret settling. Of course nothing is standing in your way and you can settle if you want to. The only issue? You’re going to regret it, 100%. And you won’t only be wasting your own time but potentially hurting someone else, too, which really sucks.
  7. You need to do the work ahead of time. It’s pretty confusing to date without having an idea of the person you want to be with… or what you definitely won’t stand for. If you can do the work ahead of time, just think how much easier your life is going to be. You’ll know exactly who to turn your back on and you’ll always be able to protect yourself.
  8. You need to cut yourself some slack. The problem with setting your standards high is a lot of people are going to make you feel like you’re picky. The truth? You are picky. But that’s good. That’s great, actually. So cut yourself some slack and remember that being picky is better than dating just anyone… or being treated like total crap.
  9. You’re responsible for yourself. At the end of the day, you control who you are. You control your words and your actions. And you control how others respond to you, whether or not you realize it. Take responsibility for making yourself happy and you won’t settle for guys who don’t bring you any joy.
  10. Only you can set your standards. Sure, your BFFs can tell you that you need to find a decent guy who treats you well, but you’re the only one who can decide. You’re going on the first dates, you’re weeding out the good ones from the jerks, and you’re in charge. So set your standards super high and don’t look back. That’s the only way to date… and it’s the only way to guarantee your happiness.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.