We Were Never Officially Together But Losing Him Nearly Destroyed Me Anyway

We weren’t together long enough to make it official, but I liked him so much. It’s difficult to know that I let myself go there only to be hurt and disappointed yet again. Here’s why I’m feeling heartache even though I only knew him a short while:

  1. I felt connected to him. There was a spark that neither of us could deny. We had a ton in common and we got along incredibly well. I felt like I could truly be myself around him and it meant a lot to me. I don’t find that often.
  2. Our time together was short but very happy. We weren’t together long enough to get tired of each other or have major fights. I still got excited to see him and felt butterflies when we kissed. It’s almost worse that there wasn’t time for reality to set in.
  3. We didn’t date long enough to make it official. Sure, we hadn’t quite reached relationship status yet, but we had an understanding. Neither of us was seeing other people. We had obvious feelings for each other. I thought things were going really well… but then he broke it off.
  4. Sometimes it’s worse to lose someone too soon. I feel like we didn’t even give it a fair chance. We were just getting to know each other and then he freaked out and cut it off. I feel like I never even got to know how we would’ve been together.
  5. All I have are happy memories. Because we dated for such a short time, I don’t have all those ugly reminders of what didn’t work that you accumulate during a longer relationship. All I have are memories of how excited I was about him and how happy he made me. It makes me really upset that he gave up so quickly.
  6. He made me laugh more than anyone. I haven’t met a guy who cracked me up like that in a really long time. When it comes to dating, I think that being able to laugh together is incredibly important. I miss the way he kept me constantly giggling.
  7. It was still fresh and exciting. We barely got to do anything together before he rudely cut our time short. I wanted to get to know him so much better. I wanted to share all kinds of new experiences. I’ll never get closer to him and I hate that.
  8. We were just beginning to learn about each other. One of the best aspects of a new relationship is peeling back the layers and slowly getting to know someone who truly interests me. I’m rarely inspired to get to know someone new. Most men simply bore me. Not him—but it doesn’t matter now and that sucks.
  9. The sex was terrific. It’s really difficult not to miss great sex. Can you blame me? We didn’t have much time together, but it was only getting better as we got more comfortable. He was communicative and responded to everything I asked of him. It was wonderful.
  10. I felt immediately comfortable with him. I don’t mesh well with just anyone. I require a certain type of man. I’ve never felt so able to be myself with someone in such a short time. It was refreshing, exhilarating, and addicting, and now I’m left alone craving that feeling, gone all too soon.
  11. He accepted me the way I am. It means a lot to me to have someone take me for who I am, no expectations, no attempts to make me into some dream girlfriend. It was so nice to be completely myself. I find myself missing his acceptance of me more than anything.
  12. We actually communicated with each other. I was so stoked to be with someone who talked to me about the way he felt. I’ve found it extremely difficult to meet men who do that and I did not take it for granted. It felt nice to be able to hash things out with him—until he suddenly decided not to do it anymore.
  13. He made me think we had a future. I should know by now that it’s a warning sign when guys speak too optimistically of the future, but I want to believe in love, dammit! I want to believe that I can connect with someone well enough that he’ll stay. He made reference to me as a part of his future so easily and naturally that I thought it would really happen.
  14. I trusted him. Even though I didn’t have much time with him, I still felt safe. I could tell that he was a genuine and honest person. Unfortunately, all that trust didn’t matter because he ended up violating my trust in a way I never would’ve anticipated by giving up on our relationship way too easily.
  15. We understood each other. I get along with everyone but there are not many that I let see past the surface. I’m a complex woman with a long history of pain and struggle. I’m not ashamed but I still don’t let people in very easily. I let him in, and then he let me go. It really hurts.
  16. I thought he was emotionally mature enough to be with me. He talked a good game but when it came down to it, he couldn’t follow through. It sucks. There’s no other way to put it. It really, really sucks, because I believed that I might’ve actually found the man who was right for me.
  17. I believed it was only a matter of time until we were official. He spoke of me as a part of his life in such a matter-of-fact way that I assumed I would be his girlfriend. I wasn’t even worried about it because I was so sure it was a done deal. Then I got blindsided with his inability to handle an actual adult relationship.
  18. He assured me that I was all he wanted. He told me that if he was with me, that was all he needed. He wouldn’t lie and he wouldn’t cheat. I believed him, but I didn’t realize that he might instead simply decide he didn’t want to be with anyone at all. Apparently, I just wasn’t worth making an effort, and that feels awful.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.