When I first started dating, I was really into the element of surprise. I loved when the guy I was seeing would unexpectedly show up with flowers or text me in the middle of the night to hang out. What I didn’t love was that when he wasn’t doing that, he was completely ignoring me and I was left feeling really frustrated and anxious. Who knew that growing up would make me crave someone a lot more, well, boring.
I honestly thought inconsistency was normal. Since every guy I’d dated had played the hot and cold game, I started to believe this was just how relationships went. I never imagined that there was any other way to go about it because no matter how different the guys I dated were, they all went about things the same casual way. Even if I didn’t love the waiting part, I did get really excited when he would turn the tables and surprise me.
Turns out, I need routine. The longer I dealt with the on and off crap, the more I started to realize it wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be. When I started dating a guy that was more predictable, I was actually relieved that I wasn’t constantly left waiting for him to respond to a text or to see me. It made a huge difference in the way I viewed romance from that point forward.
Nothing feels better than reassurance. OK, that’s a bit of a lie, but truly, the feeling of actually knowing where I stood with my guy was the biggest load off of my shoulders I didn’t know I needed. Due to some of the relationships of my past, I noticed that I was always looking for validation and with the normal, “boring” dude, I didn’t even have to ask.
They’re reliable and dependable. No matter what happened in my day to day life, I always know I can count on the more level guy. He doesn’t make me wait, or if he can’t help me out right away, he does what he can in the moment until he’s available. He has his act together when it comes to his life and his priorities with me. He puts our relationship first and that’s the best feeling in the world.
I learned that there’s a difference between a fight and a disagreement. In the past, I’d always had these super dramatic fights with boys. They ended up being resolved but the process of getting to the resolution was miserable. In my more stable relationships, the same issues might come up but it was like night and day with how the conversations went down. We would talk calmly and rationally instead of nitpicking at each other and it was a lot less stressful and felt more productive overall.
Over time, I noticed the boring guys were more confident. Confidence is a complete turn-on, but it’s not to be confused with arrogance. I like a guy who knows who he is and is comfortable in his own skin. He wasn’t trying to show off for me or actively tell me all the great things about himself. I loved how he just felt good about himself and didn’t have much insecurity, which made him very, very attractive. I’ll always be proud to be with a guy like that.
When they’re confident, I’m confident. It’s miraculous what the combination of reassurance, dependability, and confidence can do for your own self-esteem. I found myself becoming more comfortable as well, which isn’t an easy task when I was so used to being with wishy-washy men. When two people can come together and be okay, the relationship just flows a lot more naturally.
The little things mean a whole lot more. Something as simple as making me dinner became one of the things I looked forward to most once I was in a solid relationship. I came to appreciate the polite, considerate things that should come naturally to guys because when I was dating someone that was all over the place, those gestures were few and far between. Those acts also taught me to have more gratitude toward my partner, which sometimes I forgot to show. It made me want to let the guy know how special he was.
When the guys actually do something spontaneous, it’s a lot more magical. Even if I’ve come to appreciate and crave the routine aspect of relationships now, I still don’t mind a surprise here and there. When a guy who isn’t known for spontaneity does something out of the norm, it’s way more exciting than I would have ever thought. Since I wasn’t looking for the grand gesture, when it came I was floored and ridiculously appreciative and I think it made him feel really good as well. Just because we settle into a routine together doesn’t mean that all romance goes out the window. It’s just more special when it’s less expected.