I Never Used To Know When A Guy Was About Playing Me But Now I Do

Of all the lessons I’ve learned in life, the most important in recent years is how to detect a dude’s BS. I never used to know when a guy was playing me until it happened over and over. Now, I’m a pro at identifying the signs that he’s only in it to hit it and quit it. If any of these 13 things sound familiar, then get ready because he’s playing you.

  1. He just got out of a relationship. If he just got out of a relationship (especially if that relationship lasted longer than a year), he’s not emotionally ready for anything serious. And if he says he is, he’s kidding himself! Seriously, don’t trust ANYTHING a guy who just became single says to you because he’s lying—maybe not on purpose, but he’s still lying.
  2. He texts you a lot in the beginning. Sure, he could just really love texting, but that’s never been the case for me. If a guy is a blowing up my phone after only meeting me once, it’s because he’s trying really really hard to prove he’s into me so I’ll let my guard down and sleep with him. And I’m about 99% sure the same goes for a majority of the millennial male population.
  3. He talks about the future too soon. This one is similar to the texting a lot at the beginning of the “relationship.” There’s no reason he should be talking about the future with you after the first date or even the third. Trust me, he doesn’t see a future that early. He’s just telling you what he thinks you want to hear!
  4. He doesn’t casually kiss you. A guy who likes you is going to kiss you, maybe not in public (he could be anti-PDA and that’s no biggie) but when you two are together in private, he’s going to kiss you—and not just in an attempt to start a little somethin’ somethin.’
  5. He looks like trash whenever you see him. Guys are just as much into their looks as girls (if not more). You know how you want to get dressed up whenever you see your guy? Same goes for guys. They want to look nice when they have a date! If he doesn’t care how he looks and he always strolls up to meet you in his gym clothes, he’s playing you!
  6. He’s constantly on his phone. There’s a difference between texting on your phone and peeping on your phone! I’m not saying he should be texting when you two hang out, but that’s a little bit better than him randomly taking out his phone for one or two seconds to check if he’s matched with anyone on Tinder. Because, like, that’s what he’s doing.
  7. He drinks way too much. I’m just going to go ahead and be real: don’t mess around with someone who drinks too much and/or spends too much time at the bar. I don’t want to jump to conclusions here, but the only reason a guy goes out to the bar all the time is to troll for ladies. If you’re spending time with someone who goes out every other night, you’re spending time with someone who’s not really interested in just you.
  8. He only comments on your looks. It’s important to listen (or rather read, if a majority of the convos are happening via text) to how a guy talks about you. If he’s only talking about your looks and using words like “sexy” or “hot” then he’s only thinking about your body. If he’s complimenting your personality, then he’s probably looking for something more serious.
  9. He doesn’t introduce you to his roommate. Obviously, this one only works if he has a roommate, but if he does and you’ve been in the apartment when his roommate was there and he didn’t introduce you, it’s because he knew you wouldn’t be around long enough to matter to his roommate. Honesty hurts, doesn’t it?
  10. He makes you feel bad about yourself. If a guy is making you question yourself, it’s a HIM thing, not a YOU thing. It’s a sure-fire sign you’re being played because a guy who cares about you is going to go out of his way to make you feel special about who you are as a person. Period.
  11. He has a really bad reputation. Spoiler Alert: You’re not going to change him. Does he have a reputation for being a jerk? Then why are you giving him the time of day? You’re not going to be the woman who changes him for the better. That stuff only happens in movies and life isn’t a movie.
  12. He doesn’t text you after hanging out. He should text you after hanging out with you. Unless you end up spending the night together, when you go your separate ways after a date/hangout, you should receive a text from him asking if you made it home okay or saying how nice of a time he had. If he doesn’t hit you up with an after-date message, he’s not in it.
  13. You feel like he’s playing you. Do you feel nervous about the relationship? Are you spending a lot of time overanalyzing everything because you know something’s off? Well, there you go! You’re not an idiot, you know your stuff! And if you feel like he’s playing you, he’s playing you. Instead of waiting around for him to finally cut ties by ghosting you, go ahead and dip now.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.