I adored my long-term boyfriend, but eventually we fell out of love as quickly as we’d fallen into it. When most couples fall out of love, they either end the relationship right away or they stay with the person even though they know there’s something missing. With me, it took another guy coming into the picture for me to realize my current relationship was going nowhere fast.
- The spark had already gone. My boyfriend and I had been on the rocks for a good year, maybe even a year and a half, before my head got turned. We’d lost the passion in the relationship. There was no fire. We hardly ever had sex and when we did, it almost felt like a chore. That just shows how bad it got—who in their right mind compares sex to doing the dishes? Essentially, what we once had was lost.
- My boyfriend had stopped trying. Gone was the sweet, sensitive guy who doted on me and made it his priority to make me happy at all times. We both knew he’d checked out of the relationship a long time ago, but he’d also stopped trying to check back in. After countless conversations on how we both needed to make more effort, I did everything I could to adhere to his needs and wishes but he did nothing to adhere to mine.
- I was lonely as hell. We lived together in a city across the country from all my friends and family and everything that I once knew. When I got swept up in young love, I’d accidentally made him my everything. He was my family, best friend, and boyfriend all-in-one. Sure, it was great in the beginning as we’d never felt closer… until it wasn’t and we’d never felt so far apart. I started to feel extremely isolated from my support system and, as a result, terribly alone.
- The new guy actually paid attention to me. All of a sudden, I met someone out of nowhere. Someone who flattered me, doused me with daily compliments, and generally made so much more effort with me than my own boyfriend. I honestly didn’t see it coming. The more attention he gave to me, the more I gave to him and the more I took away from my boyfriend.
- He made me feel special. I’d gotten to the point a few months prior where I felt incredibly worthless. It soon became obvious to me that I was stuck in a dead-end relationship and, because my boyfriend was my everything, I was finding it difficult to get out. It might sound cliche, but I became a different version of myself in the process. I was cold, unfeeling and in a permanent state of stress. The new guy made me feel like myself again. He made me feel alive.
- He excited me, and it felt good to feel that way again. The new guy was like forbidden fruit initially. I could look but not touch, and it lit a fire within me that had burned out over a year previously. He gave me hope that I could not only feel for someone else again but feel in general. I felt like I’d been asleep for months, and suddenly I was awake again.
- I was young and naive. I don’t class this as an excuse, but I was only 23 at the time. I’m the first one to admit that I got well and truly carried away. I was selfishly not considering my boyfriend’s feelings or the knock-on effect it would have on our relationship. I thought this new guy was amazing. In hindsight, he wasn’t at all. He was a welcome distraction to the tough time I was going through in my relationship.
- I got swept up in the moment. In the short time that I was seeing the new guy, it was like a whirlwind. I wasn’t thinking during that time, I just went with how this guy made me feel because it felt good to feel that way again. Was it purely lust? Perhaps, but at the time, I genuinely believed I liked him and that it could go somewhere, which made no sense when I was already in a relationship.
- It made me realize I needed to get out. Spending time with the new guy eventually gave me the push I needed to get out of my long-term relationship. After all, how could I be with my boyfriend when I’d started having feelings for someone else? In the end, I was disgusted with myself that I let it get to the point that it had gotten to. The new guy and I never had sex but we did kiss. A lot. And we talked all the time. It became increasingly more difficult to hide what I was up to from my boyfriend and the people who loved me.
- I was ultimately happier in the long run. Once I finally plucked up the courage and ended my long-term relationship, I also stopped seeing the new guy. I believe he was sent to me to provide clarity for me in that situation, but we would never have worked out in the “real” world. Plus, he just served as a reminder of my guilt. I needed to be on my own for a while and work out what exactly I wanted—not just from guys, but from life in general. More importantly, I grew to hate myself for the double life I led during that brief period. I needed time to forgive myself and fall in love with myself again.
