The Next Time Your Ex Texts, Remember These 10 Things

As annoying as it is when your ex-boyfriend pops back into your life, it can also be fairly tempting at times to let him. After all, you did fall for him for a reason. However, as hard as it may be, you need to resist the urge to text him back. Here’s why it’s important to put down the phone before you make a big mistake.

  1. You’ve already seen what it’s like to be with him and it sucked. Why go back to someone who never did right by you? A breakup means you walked away because the relationship sucked or he walked away because he didn’t see what you have to offer. If he was good for you and worth your time, you two would still be together. You’re not together anymore, so why allow history to repeat itself?
  2. He’ll respect you more if you don’t reply. I’m dead serious. People tend to respect those who are out of their reach. This is doubly true if they thought they could keep you around. When you shut out someone who took you for granted, they tend to realize how much you mattered to them even more than they already do.
  3. If he was abusive towards you, replying could be dangerous. Talking to an abuser, no matter how innocuous the subject, is never wise. Abusers can’t be trusted and answering them opens the door to them to hurt you again. It wasn’t easy getting away from him, so why would you want that back in your life? Being with an abuser will harm you and could even kill you. Answering that call or text could be potentially lethal, so don’t do it.
  4. A rekindled relationship is never that good. This is a fact that people have known for centuries. They even have a phrase to describe what a replayed relationship is like in Italian: cavoli riscaldati. This phrase literally translates into “reheated cabbage” and alludes to the fact that relationships are never quite as good as the first time around. If you try to get back together, it’ll always be a bit awkward because you can never really forget the issues that caused you to break up in the first place.
  5. Now that you’re no longer in a relationship, you owe him nothing. It’s true and it’s absolutely liberating when you think about it. You don’t owe him replies, kindness, or really, any acknowledgment of his existence. When the two of you split, all expectations of a response went out the window.
  6. Keeping him in your life will block you from meeting other, better people. Keeping exes around is the easiest way to remain single. Regularly contacting your ex tends to deter people who might want to date you from asking you out. After all, no one wants to be with someone who’s still holding onto the past.
  7. The further away you stay from him, the easier it will be to get over him. Rough breakup? There’s truth to the saying that time heals almost all wounds. Space away from people also can help you gain perspective and further your healing process. If you’re having a hard time with the breakup, answering him will only rub salt in the wound. By refusing to answer his calls, you’re allowing yourself to get the time and space you need to heal.
  8. Straight up, you don’t need him. Nobody really needs a partner, especially not a partner who wasn’t that great the first time around. You might want him but you definitely don’t need him. You’re doing fine without his influence in your life. Your ex stopped being a necessary part of your life when you two broke up. He may be remorseful now, but hey, he had his chance and he lost it.
  9. If he’s getting in touch now, it’s most likely because he wants or needs something. Here’s the cold, hard truth about breakups most people don’t want to admit: dumper’s remorse most often happens when a person wants something you used to provide willingly, or when they realize the dating scene isn’t as kind as they imagined. If he’s hitting you up, it’s most likely not because he cares about you; it’s most likely because he wants something from you or because he feels he can’t find a better option.
  10. Why text him back when you can have pizza instead? There are so many different things you could be doing instead of giving that ex more of your time. You could be eating pizza, drinking wine, having cartoon binge-watching sessions with friends… Really, anything out there is probably better than texting your ex back. Don’t do it.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.