No, I Don’t Want You To Call — For The Love of God, Text Me

You’re talking to someone new and the two of you are hitting it off. The chemistry is clearly there, the conversation is sparkling, and you want to see them again after today, so you exchange contact information and go your separate ways.

Then they call you, and suddenly there’s this awkwardness that wasn’t there during your first meeting. I’ve been in this situation more times than I can count and I’m over it. If we can’t talk face-to-face, I’d really rather someone text me than call.

  1. I just hate talking on the phone. Who doesn’t? I dread phone calls. Doctor’s appointments get put off way too long and if a department at my school doesn’t have email, I obviously don’t need to contact them. I don’t want our conversation to become something that I dread, so if a guy wants to talk to me, he needs to type out a message and hit send.
  2. I don’t return phone calls. Maybe I’ve been scarred by too many phone calls from debt collectors and angry employers, but I get nervous when I see a new voicemail on my phone. These nerves combined with my hatred of phone calls mean that if someone doesn’t reach me the first time, they shouldn’t expect a return call. I know it’s super old-fashioned and some might even find it romantic when someone calls instead of texts, but I’m not feeling it.
  3. I’m frequently in a loud environment. Whether I’m at work or at home with a screaming child, chances are good that there will be a lot of background noise during our call. If they just texted me, we could avoid that altogether. Our conversation could be as clear during a temper tantrum as it would be in a cozy restaurant booth.
  4. I’m busy AF and can’t always answer the phone anyway. I almost never have time for a long chat over the phone, so our calls will probably be short and to the point (AKA somewhat unpleasant for both of us). If they text me, I can answer it when I have a moment, send a cheerful reply, then receive their next message when they have a moment in their own busy schedule. While this method of communicating draws the conversation out over several hours, I find it to be the best way to have a casual chat with someone I want to get to know better.
  5. My phone is always on silent. Years of classes and work environments that banned cell phone use have trained me to always have my phone’s sound shut off. So if someone calls me, I won’t know until after I’ve missed their call. If they text me, I might get it a little later than they want, but I’ll receive it and be way likelier to respond.
  6. I want to know their tech skills. I know texting isn’t exactly cutting edge, but I feel like texting skills can be an indicator of someone’s comfort with modern technology. While technology literacy (or lack thereof) is not representative of a person’s worth, it does give a sense of how compatible we would be as friends or partners.
  7. It makes it easier to multitask. If I’m at home binge-watching The X-Files, I’m not going to talk on the phone with anyone — or maybe I will, but I’ll low-key resent being pulled away from the TV. However, if they text me, I’ll happily chat with them while drooling over Gillian Anderson. See? Then both of us are happy.
  8. My memory is terrible. If we make plans over the phone, I’ll stress out about forgetting times or places. They can expect me to text them before our date to confirm our plans. They should just text me that information to begin with and spare us both that discomfort.
  9. I’m not as clever over the phone. Something about talking on the phone makes my mind freeze up, so if we’re talking, people should expect some fumbled sentences and awkward silences. If they text me, I can craft the perfect response on my own time.
  10. I want to reread our conversation. Texting leaves a record that I can go back to. Whether I want to relive our chat or overanalyze something they said, texting gives me this option. If I want to overanalyze our phone conversation, I have to rely on my memory, and that isn’t good for keeping things realistic.
  11. I want them to be able to reread our conversation too. Maybe they aren’t as into it as I am, but I want them to have the option to go back and read our texts as well. I like to imagine them reading the messages over, maybe laughing a little at some well-placed joke I made earlier that day.
  12. I want to use emojis. Does anything express your feelings as accurately as emojis? I don’t think so. Until phone companies manage to come up with a vocal equivalent to the poop emoji or the mouthless face emoji, I need to use texts in order to share the full range of my emotions.
Amanda McSweeney is a freelance writer out of Greater Boston specializing in lifestyle, books, and local music.