Being single means I’m often the go-to person for others to share their (often horrendous) dating stories with. This means I end up listening to the nitty gritty details of everyone else’s disastrous dating life that I’m really not interested in at all. However, I’m meant to relate because I’m also single and presumably in a similar position. Newsflash: I really couldn’t care less.
I am not a dating guru. Don’t message me 10 times in a row to ask for my advice about how to respond to a text message or send me screenshots of who you’ve matched with on a dating app. I really don’t care. My time is precious and I refuse for it to be taken up by things that are of no concern to me. You’re a grown adult, you can figure out a response to someone.
I already know how it ends. If you’re telling me about a date you’ve been on, you’re most likely telling me because you think I’ll somehow be able to relate to how badly it ended. And while I can relate to some of these disastrous moments, it doesn’t mean I want to hear about them constantly, especially when I have removed myself from this world. Dating stories are often so predictable. It’s to the point I actually guessed exactly what a guy said to a friend on a date one time. I wasn’t even there, but I might as well have been.
It means you associate me with tragedy. If you’re telling me about how another guy has ghosted you or how it’s so hard to meet someone genuine, this means you associate that pain with me. My life isn’t so filled with utter sadness that I want other people’s sadness to be piled on top of me. I’ve dealt with enough of it on my own and I don’t need yours too. I choose to be happy now. I don’t focus on my traumas and disappointments on a daily basis.
There are other things to talk about. Please, let’s just talk about anything else because I would love to pass the Bechdel test in real life. The Bechdel test measures the representation of women in fiction. Its criteria states that a book/TV show/movie not only has to feature at least two women but those women need to interact with each other. Oh yeah, and their conversation has to be about something other than a man. If we’re talking about men all the time, we’re already failing.
I am single, but I’m not dating. And I’m fine with that! Part of the reason I’m not dating is that I don’t feel the need to do so. I’m certainly not about to date just because society expects it of me. If you’re telling me dating stories, it’s most likely because you feel the pressure to find someone. While a lot of people feel that pressure at times (including me of course), I would rather celebrate my independence. My friends should want to celebrate those things in me too.
People expect me to share my dating stories. Just because you’ve divulged your dating mishaps with me, doesn’t mean I’ll do the same with you. If I’m dating someone, I would rather see how it goes for a while before I even mention their name to anyone. Don’t expect me to be sympathetic and share intimate stories with you. Instead, I’ll just be apathetic.
It can be a form of emotional dumping. Emotional dumping is a toxic form of venting. I’m never asked if I want to listen to someone’s dating stories. It’s always assumed that I’ll listen because I’m single. They either want me to commiserate or have an even worse story to share to make them feel better. If you’re going to vent without taking a breath, don’t start the story to begin with.
My eyes are wandering and you don’t even notice. I’m looking everywhere but at the person telling the story. I’m trying to subtly tell you I really don’t care how Matt didn’t really ask you questions about yourself on the date and then praised you for being a good listener. Guess what, hypocrite. You’re barely asking questions about me and you think I’m a great listener just because I haven’t told you to shut up yet.
The length of time to tell me about the date is the same time you were on the date. It’s quite selfish really to take up the whole time we’re hanging out to talk about yourself essentially. This is not a fun experience. In fact, all I learned from encounters like this is that it will probably be the last.
I’m happy as I am. You’re not even noticing my content smile and my confidence in who I am. I’ll do the things I want to do in life even without another person beside me. I feel good about that. Yet, my identity and life experiences are reduced to nothing when you constantly associate me with dating. It’s time to disassociate and learn who I really am. Who is that? Someone who doesn’t care about who you’ve been on a date with, where it was, what disappointing behavior the other person displayed, and when your next date will be.