No, ‘I’m Single’ Doesn’t Mean ‘I’m Dating’

People make a lot of assumptions about single women, especially the ones that are older than the still-acceptable-to-be-single cut off age. Basically, people assume if we’re not already in a committed relationship then we must WANT to be in one. While that may sometimes be the case, it definitely isn’t a given. It’s time for everyone to stop assuming that just because a woman is single, we’re interested in dating. I know I’m not.

  1. Being single is a choice. People seem to forget that many of us aren’t single because we were dumped or we can’t find anyone who wants to date us, but because we have no interest in going on dates at the moment. There will be plenty of time to date in the future, but for now, I just want to focus on myself and dating just doesn’t fit into my plans.
  2. Being single isn’t a problem that needs to be solved. People in relationships love offering suggestions on how to no longer be single. They think single people are lost and need all the help we can get. But being single isn’t a challenge that needs to be overcome. Besides, if I want to date to find a date, I’ve heard of Tinder, so asking if I’ve heard of it really isn’t helpful. Thanks anyway.
  3. There a lot of great things about the single life. There may come a time when I no longer enjoy being single, and that’s fine. I eventually want a steady relationship and a family, but for now, I’m going to enjoy having a lot of time to myself and doing whatever I want to do because it’s not going to last forever.
  4. I’m not ready for something serious. If I’m going to put time and effort into dating, it will be because I’m looking for an actual relationship. I know I’m not ready for that right now, so I don’t want to potentially start going down a road that will lead me somewhere I don’t want to be. If I don’t know what I want, it’s not really fair to be wasting a guy’s time.
  5. If dating isn’t fun, I’m not going to bother. When dating starts to feel like a chore, it may be a sign it’s time to take a break. I have plenty of things to do other than go out of my way to arrange coffee and small talk with strangers and worry about whether I should wait an hour before texting someone back. Being single means I don’t have to do those things unless I really want, and sometimes I just don’t.
  6. Dating breaks keep me sane. Constantly thinking about dating gets exhausting. Especially when a string of bad dates has me feeling bitter and hopeless about ever finding a decent guy. That’s why sometimes it’s better to just deactivate all dating profiles and recharge. Once the pressure of finding love has subsided a little, then I’ll consider diving back in.
  7. Dating takes up a lot of time. Online dating is supposed to be easy and efficient, right? So how come it seems like I’m wasting ridiculous lengths of time choosing the right photos, searching through endless bad profiles, writing messages that never get returned and trying in vain to coordinate a time to meet up that works for everyone’s busy schedule? Instead, I’d like to put all the time I save by not dating to good use and be a productive member of society.
  8. I don’t want anyone setting me up. The second a woman tells people she’s single, they start mentally flipping through their Rolodex of eligible male acquaintances. I appreciate the thought and all, but I barely want to go on dates with guys I choose myself, so I’m definitely not interested in any awkward setups anytime soon.
  9. ‘Find a boyfriend’ isn’t one of my goals. When you’re unemployed, it’s probably a given that you’re actively searching for a job, because that’s kind of a necessity. Having a boyfriend is not a necessity and it’s not an accomplishment. I’m not 14 and “finding a boyfriend” isn’t my number one goal for the school year.
  10.  It’s really not anyone’s business. People love to ask the question, ‘Why are you still single?’ There are plenty of answers to that question, but ultimately it’s no one’s business but mine. It also doesn’t matter. I’m the same person whether I’m single or dating, so why does everyone care so much?
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to, contributes regularly to, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.