I No Longer Take It Personally When A Guy Doesn’t Want A Second Date—Here’s Why

When you leave the first date on a high, thinking the person will definitely want to go on another date with you, it totally sucks to find out that they’re actually cool with never seeing you again. I used to take this first date rejection so seriously, ending up depressed for days. It was such a waste of time! Here’s how I stopped taking things personally.

  1. I realized it’s just one guy’s opinion. The guy who didn’t ask me out on a second date was just one person. His opinion was just one person’s opinion of me. It’s not the entire world’s, so why should I give it so much importance? It obviously wasn’t meant to be.
  2. He made a decision after one hour. We had coffee together that took an hour or so, which is how long he took to decide if I was girlfriend material? Sounds a bit crazy! How much can you really know someone after one hour? He was judging me according to superficial things. It’s not like he had in-depth knowledge of me, so why should I feel bad?
  3. He wanted something else. Maybe he realized he wanted something different, or someone taller, or he wanted a one-night-stand but could see that wasn’t going to happen. Whatever the case, there are a million reasons why he didn’t call after the first date. Chances are he’s not really into me, but that’s his choice and that’s fine.
  4. There’s a motto I live by these days. Dita Von Teese said it best, and it’s become my dating motto to help me deal with rejection: “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.”
  5. He saved me from future heartache. I’ve learned that sometimes getting rejected is actually a good thing but that will only reveal itself later. Once, a guy I wanted to date wasn’t into me but we remained friends. Months later, I saw that he was a huge mess when it came to relationships and I realized I’d dodged a bullet! These days, when a guy rejects me after a first date, I think of it as a blessing in disguise.
  6. He doesn’t determine my worth. The opinion I have of myself is worth much more than what someone else thinks of me. I’m still worthy, whether or not he wants to date me. My self-worth and the value I bring to the world don’t hinge on his view of me.
  7. I’ve been the one doing the rejecting before. It’s humbling to remember that I’ve been that guy. I’ve gone on first dates with people and then never wanted to see them again, but I didn’t see it as some huge rejection of who they were. I just wanted something else, so I moved on. It wasn’t a big deal. Why should it be a big deal when I’m the one getting rejected instead of doing the rejecting?
  8. It really doesn’t mean anything. Seriously, rejection doesn’t have to mean something bad. If a guy I don’t like rejects me, I don’t spend a minute obsessing about it. Why should rejection hurt me so much just because I like the guy? In the eyes of the universe, both are the same thing. I’m the one who assigns value to them, and I don’t want to blow my rejection out of proportion by letting my confidence take a blow. I’ve got more important things to concentrate on.
  9. I refuse to like someone who doesn’t like me. I have this dating rule: if I like someone and he doesn’t feel the same, I don’t waste another minute on him. The mere fact that he doesn’t like me is enough for me to forget that he ever existed. I’d rather spend my time and energy on someone who’s smitten with me because he deserves my love.
  10. It’s part of the game. If I want to date then rejection is going to happen sooner or later. It’s better to make peace with this early on. Doing so has made me feel stronger and more resilient, skills that are actually so much more rewarding than getting another date with the guy who rejected me.
  11. It happens to everyone. Seriously, even celebrities have been rejected by love interests. Although it used to feel like I was the only person in the world experiencing such pain from rejection, everyone’s been there at some point. That puts it into perspective and helps me to move on instead of getting stuck in it.
  12. It doesn’t change me. Once, I was so torn up about getting rejected by a guy I went on a first date with, I felt like the worst, ugliest, most undesirable person in the world. It was ridiculous. Then I realized that I hadn’t actually changed. I was still the same amazing person I was before I met this guy and would continue to be afterward. Pretty days I’d had, as well as days where I felt like I was a huge catch, couldn’t be erased by him. This meant they’d come around again. He could reject me as a girlfriend but he could never change who I was. That was super empowering to remember and helped me forget the guy so much faster.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.