I No Longer Try To Impress Guys — I Want Them To Impress Me

I No Longer Try To Impress Guys — I Want Them To Impress Me ©iStock/vitapix

It might sound harsh, but I don’t want to work so hard to try to impress guys I date. It feels like it’s not natural, like I’m trying to convince or persuade them to be with me. I’ve done enough of that in the past. Now, I’m changing my game. Here’s why:

  1. I don’t want to be desperate. If I try so hard to be liked by a guy, it just makes me seem desperate. He’s not the last man on earth, FFS! Whenever I’ve come across as desperate, my plan to make the guy like me backfired in a big way because no one wants to date that kind of girl.
  2. I won’t do the chasing. I’ve tried chasing guys in the past, and it always ended in tears. I would get hurt because I made myself too available. I’d rather hold back now and let guys make the effort to be with me. The right guy will chase me without me having to run circles around myself in an attempt to make him mine.
  3. I’m not clingy. Trying to be perfect to impress a guy is total BS. Not only does it leave me exhausted, but it makes me seem clingy. If I’m trying so hard for a guy to like me, I’m basically hanging onto his every word and opinion of me. Only when he thinks I’m perfect will I be happy. Ugh. My opinion of myself matters more than any man’s.
  4. I know my worth. I’ve learned that no matter how much I try to be what a guy will like, there will always be other guys who don’t like it. One guy I dated didn’t like that I was so thin (which made me consider putting on weight), but then another liked my body the way it was. So shouldn’t I just do what I want? I’m worthy of love regardless of how men perceive me, and I want to live and look the way that makes me happy.
  5. My value speaks for itself. I do my best to show people my best side, and honestly, I think I do a pretty good job of it. It’s like advertising all my best assets as though I were a fancy car. The value I can bring to someone’s life should be seen right off the bat, and I believe it will be seen by the right eyes.
  6. I won’t do all the work. I’m no longer the type of woman who will try super hard to be liked. I want guys to show me that they’ll work to have me and to keep our relationship going. Once they do that, then I can meet them halfway. It’s only fair.
  7. I want him to make the first move. I know it sounds old-fashioned, but I want the guy to make the first move. Why? There’s so much I can tell by how he does it. If it’s a half-assed attempt or he invites himself over for a booty call instead of asking me out on a real date, I can see that he’s not boyfriend material because he’s doing nothing to impress me. So why should I make an effort?
  8. I don’t want to feel like I’m being tested. Relationships aren’t about jumping through hoops. If I try to impress a guy, it starts to make me feel like I’m on a probation or being tested. It doesn’t feel natural, and it doesn’t flow. We either connect or we don’t. I’m not going to try to force it, because then it means I’m putting on an act.
  9. I don’t want to end up unhappy. Trying so hard to impress a guy means that if we do end up in a relationship, I’m just going to be unhappy because I’ll have to try to be something I’m not. I’m not perfect, and the sooner he sees that and accepts it, the better and happier we’ll both be.
  10. I need to be myselfToo often in the past, I’ve tried to change myself because I thought that’s what I had to do to be chosen by guys. It’s total BS. If I change my hair or the way I dress, guys usually don’t even notice or care. I’d rather be myself with all my flaws. Take me or leave me!
  11. I won’t try to fit in with their idea of fun. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, and I don’t always like to party. Lots of guys do, so in the past I’ve tried to be what they wanted so that we could make something work. For instance, I’d go party with them even though I was tired and had to work the next day, and I’d have a few drinks even though I hate alcohol. What’s the point? Nowadays, instead of trying to impress such a guy, I tell him that’s just not my style. I’m more focused on my needs and standards.
  12. I won’t put up with bad behavior. When I dated toxic guys in the past, I tried to change them or help them. The truth was that I was effectively putting up with their bad behavior to try to keep them interested in me. I hoped that they’d look at me and say “Wow, she’s the first woman who cares!” I no longer feel I have to try to impress someone to be loved. I don’t want to be the type of woman who gives so much and gets stuff in return. I’m bigger than that!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.