No, We’re Not Confused — 10 Myths About Being Bisexual

As bisexual women, we hear all sorts of BS things about our sexuality. We’re told that we’re confused, more likely to cheat, or that we’re just in a phase. Some men trivialize women hooking up and don’t see it as “real” and some women won’t date bisexual women because we’re not gay enough. How are we supposed to win here? We’re just trying to live our lives without your judgment or misconceptions. Here are 10 myths about being bisexual.

We’re confused. 

There’s a misconception that we don’t know what we want. People think that we’re confused about our sexualities because we can’t possibly be attracted to both men and women. Do you ever notice, though, that it only seems to be gay and straight people who are confused about bisexuality, not bisexual people? Just let us do our thing and we’ll let you do yours.

Bisexuality is a phase. 

Here’s some science to back up why this myth is total garbage: Lisa Diamond did some awesome research, titled Developmental Psychology, on this topic! She followed a sample of women over the course of a decade and the results proved that bisexuality was not a phase. 92% of women who identified as bisexual in adolescence still identified as such as adults. They didn’t suddenly become lesbians or turn straight. Their identities remained.

Our sexuality isn’t real unless we’ve actually been with a chick. 

This might be one of the most annoying and invalidating myths. Some people actually think that you can’t know your sexuality unless you’ve had confirmation via sex. This is utter BS. Ask the next straight person you see if they had crushes, sexual attraction, and feelings for the opposite sex before they first were intimate. Chances are, their answers are a roaring “yes.” Our sexuality isn’t invalid because we haven’t had girl on girl action (yet).

We’re really just closeted gays. 

If we aren’t secretly straight or confused, the myth is that we’re definitely gay. Why can’t we just be left alone as bisexual?! Some people think it has to be either/or. This is a big problem for bisexual men: they find themselves invalidated a lot and told that they’re just closeted gays. This is totally inappropriate.

We’re actually just straight. 

Even worse than being labeled as purely “gay” is when our own beloved LGBTQ community members say we aren’t gay enough. It’s more common for bisexual women to end up with men. Perhaps it’s the statistics— there are far more heterosexual men available than gay or bisexual women. But just because we like men, it doesn’t mean we suddenly don’t like women anymore.

Our sexuality is determined by our partner’s gender. 

If a bisexual woman is dating a man, it’s assumed that she’s now straight. If a bisexual woman is dating a woman, it’s assumed she’s now a lesbian. What?! Our sexuality doesn’t change based on who we’re in a relationship with at any given moment. Sexuality is it’s own entity and doesn’t mean we’re any more or less gay or straight depending on who we’re with.

Bisexual women only do it to turn straight men on.

This one might be one of the worst myths. Like, yes, you caught us: we do everything to please and impress straight men. Yawn! Sorry to break it to you, but if we’re hot and heavy with another woman, it’s because we want her — it has nothing to do with a man.

Bisexuals love threesomes.

Just because we’re attracted to men and women does not mean we want to be part of your threesome. Sure, there are unicorns out there who enjoy threesomes, but most of us just want to date normally. We’re seeking intimate monogamous relationships or we’re in honest and loving polyamorous relationships. Our sexuality doesn’t guarantee we’ll join you and your partner in bed, though.

Bisexuals are more likely to cheat.

Peggy Vaughan, who wrote “The Monogamy Myth”, cited research that showed 80 percent of all marriages are touched by adultery. Being bisexual doesn’t up these odds. If anything, we’re just as likely to be sneaky bastards like everyone else, but no moreso!

Bisexuals are too greedy to be happy in a monogamous relationship.

Let’s look at straight couples: just because you’re with someone of the opposite sex, are you now freed from all attraction towards everyone of that sex? No, I don’t think so. It just doesn’t matter if you’re in a happy monogamous relationship. Bisexual people are no different. If we’re in a monogamous, committed relationship, we’re in it for keeps.

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