No One Ever Told Me About These 12 Awkward Sex Situations & I Wish They Had

Sex can be great, but let’s be honest: it can also be awkward AF sometimes. Here are some things I wish someone had told me could happen in the sack before I actually started getting into it with a guy — it would’ve made my life a whole lot easier.

  1. The condom can get stuck. It can’t only tear or unravel and feel really uncomfortable when it does, but it can also get stuck inside the vagina. And it feels so embarrassing when it does, because then one of us has to get down there and try to fish it out. Eek!
  2. A great connection doesn’t always mean great sex. It’s usually the case that when you have chemistry with someone outside of the bedroom that it translates into amazing sex. But not always. I’ve found that once in a while, there’s actually zero spark in the sack, and the result is really dull sex. It’s hard to believe this guy was so sexy on the dance floor earlier, ’cause he has no moves in here.
  3. It can be awkward to know what to do after the sex. After the best sex, you might be left sitting there with the guy, not knowing what to do. Should you get up and shower? Should you get dressed and leave? Arrgh! I wish I’d known how important it is to have a proper plan in place beforehand so I could make a quick, pain-free exit.
  4. Getting undressed is painful, and not just the first time. I used to think that getting naked in front of someone would be embarrassing when I lost my virginity and then never again. Wrong! It’s embarrassing with every new partner, and especially the older I get when I notice how my body has changed.
  5. UTIs are a bitch. It’s a must to pee before and after sex to prevent nasty urinary tract infections, but in the past, I ended up cuddling my boyfriend and totally forgetting. Then, when he suggested having the same amazing sex the next day, I was burning up a fire down there, and not in a good way.
  6. It can take a long time to give him a blow job. I wish I’d known that this is not just something that’s happened to me: giving a blow job requires a really strong jaw and lots of time down there. I wish I’d known from the get-go that I could use my hands to alleviate the pressure.
  7. Things can go wrong during the act. I’ve experienced great sex only to change positions and then lose momentum completely! It’s awkward because he’s so into it and I’m just waiting for it to be over.
  8. Semen can shoot really far. One minute he’s loving the handjob or BJ I’m giving him, the next he’s shooting a fountain of semen. Once it went straight into my eye. So while he was having an amazing orgasm, I was killing the moment by running to the bathroom in considerate pain. They didn’t teach me this in anatomy class.
  9. Sexting can go really wrong. To get in the mood, sexting can be a good idea. But not with a guy who can’t write out decent texts. I’ve sexted a guy before who made things really awkward because of how he was describing what he wanted to do to me, but the messages didn’t make sense. I wish I’d known that a bad speller makes a bad sexter.
  10. He might be a douche about condoms. One of the worst experiences related to sex is being in the mood only to hear the guy say he doesn’t want to wear a condom. Um, seriously? I thought the Dark Ages were over? To add insult to injury, he then has a really stupid reason, like, “Don’t you trust me?” GTFO!
  11. Too much alcohol can give him a limp penis Booze can help to boost relaxation before sex, but if he’s throwing back those drinks too enthusiastically, he might end up with a limp penis. This is when he’s had too much alcohol that it’s zapped his sexual arousal. Talk about disappointing.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.