When I’m in a relationship, I put 110% of my attention on my partner. Showing someone I love them feels really natural to me but for some reason, when they show it back, I just can’t accept it.
- I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember. This is nothing new. I’ve always found it hard to accept love. When I was little and my mom would hug me, I’d just go limp, like I couldn’t even take it in. Even to this day, people will comment how I get all squirmy when they go in for a hug. It’s weird but it’s a natural reaction I can’t control. I know that I’ll need to get over it in order to have a successful relationship but I don’t really know how.
- My romantic relationships always feel unbalanced. Relationships have never been easy for me and I’m starting to realize that the reason they never seem to work out is that my partner senses that I’m not totally open to accepting his love. I’ll be the first one to say “I love you” and make my feelings known, but he has to almost physically chase me to do the same.
- I always seem to find myself alone. The sad part about this is that even though I give out love by the handful, I always seem to end up alone when I need people the most. I’m always the first one to comfort a friend when they need it but very rarely do I ever get that kind of attention back. Why would I when I act like I don’t want or need it?
- It feels like there’s a permanent block keeping me from accepting it. No matter how many heart-opening meditations I do and how many “I accept love” affirmations I say, there’s a permanent barrier keeping me from accepting love fully. The way I used to go limp when my mom would hug me is still happening in my adult life. It takes a really confident person to be with me because I’m inherently scared of being loved, which is such a weird thing to feel when you think of it. Who would be afraid of the one thing that everyone seems to be chasing? Me, I guess.
- I’ve seen love used as a tool for manipulation. For some reason, I get this feeling that when someone shows love towards me, especially a guy, they’re trying to get something out of me or it’s coming from a bad place. Who knows where that initial fear came from, but it’s like a permanent way of thinking for me.
- I often put others before myself. I’m the kind of person who would do anything for someone I care about. Honestly, just name it and I’m there. Whenever someone is crying or upset or needs someone, it’s always me. When I need someone, I’m left alone. It’s really no way to live.
- For me, love was always conditional. When I was younger, my parents had all these rules for the house and I was sometimes afraid that if I didn’t follow the rules or was “bad,” they wouldn’t love me. Because of this, I have the idea that the only way I deserve love is if I’m a PERFECT person. Of course, no one is perfect, so how does that even make sense? It’s impossible.
- People can easily take advantage of me. It’s unfortunate, but I find that people always assume that I’ll be there and when I’m not the generous, loving person they know me to be, they drop me like a hot potato. I sacrifice a lot of my own happiness to make other people happy but completely abandon myself in the process. I should really stop doing that.
- Giving love is safe but accepting love is dangerous. Since when is being loved dangerous? Well, I’ve felt that way ever since I can remember. It doesn’t really matter what form it takes, whether it’s physical affection, a compliment, a gift, etc. It feels scary for me and I really don’t know how to overcome that fear.
- I guess I just don’t think I deserve to be loved. When I boil it down, the real reason behind my inability to accept love is that I just don’t believe that I deserve to be loved in the same way other people are. I think I’m the exception, like my only job is to give and if people give back, that I shouldn’t get that kind of treatment. It’s pretty messed up when I think about it.
