No Relationship Is A Waste Of Time If You Learn Something From It

No Relationship Is A Waste Of Time If You Learn Something From It ©iStock/lechatnoir

I always hear girls complaining about “wasting time” with a guy who it inevitably doesn’t work out with. While it may seem like the months or years you spent with a guy who ends up just being another ex is wasted time, that’s not necessarily the case. Most guys you meet aren’t going to be “The One,” but that doesn’t mean getting to know them has to be a waste of time. The sooner you start believing that, the sooner you’ll be able to appreciate the process of dating for what it’s supposed to be — fun.

  1. Nothing lasts forever. Just because a relationship didn’t last the rest of your life like some kind of implausibly epic romance novel doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth experiencing. Would you say a job you had for five years was a waste of time? No, because you learned at least a thing or two while you were there, so it couldn’t have been all bad.
  2. Sometimes you don’t know what you want until you find it. A lot of us are still just trying to figure who we are and what we’re looking for. As convenient as it would be to know exactly who we’re searching for in the sea of single guys, we don’t. That inevitably means we’re going to have to kiss some frogs before we meet the so-called prince.
  3. Sometimes you have to learn by experiencing something. Sure, everyone told you not to date the bad boy who still lived in his mom’s basement, but did you listen? Sometimes we won’t believe something is a bad idea until we experience the fallout. It’s silly, but it’s life.
  4. You’ll figure out your dealbreakers. You might have thought you could date a guy who was a workaholic, but when you realize he’s never around, and you’re never his priority, you might see that you’d prefer someone who can kick back and relax every once in awhile. Now you’ll know what red flags to look for before you’re in too deep.
  5. You’ll know what not to do next time. A failed relationship isn’t always about what the guy did wrong or how he wasn’t right for you. Sometimes you’re the one that ruins a good thing, but hopefully you can learn from those mistakes and become a better person, and better potential girlfriend, in the process.
  6. You’ll start to understand yourself better. Not only will you figure out what you want in a relationship, but you’ll start to understand why you want those things. A lot of the time, relationships fail because you decide you deserve something better. Or just something different. You’ll be unwilling to settle for less, because you’ve come this far, so why give up now?
  7. You must have had some good times together. Right after a break up we tend to dwell on all the horrible things about a relationship. But you were with that person for however long, so you must have liked them at some point. That feeling is always exciting at the time, so have hope that you will feel it again.
  8. Dating is 99 percent trial and error. We’re all just out there giving the wrong people a chance until we happen to stumble upon the right one. It’s not like we can control how long that takes, right? So don’t feel bad for spending some time wading through all the people who are wrong for you— there’s a ton of them after all.
  9. You probably met people/did things because of him that you wouldn’t have otherwise. A relationship is rarely just the two of you alone all the time. You’ll meet his friends, and his family, go on trips, and out to restaurants, and to events with him that you never would have gone to single. Of course, not all of that is going to be fabulous all the time, but some of it will be, and you can’t complain about having an active social life.
  10. There’s no time limit for finding love. People say they “wasted their time” as if they only have a few good “finding love” years available to them and they can’t go squandering them on a loser. Thankfully, that’s not the case. You can fall in love any time, at any age, no matter how many failed relationships you’ve had in the past. I know, hard to believe. But true.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to, contributes regularly to, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.