You Broke Up Months Ago, So Why Are You Still Not Over Him?

You Broke Up Months Ago, So Why Are You Still Not Over Him? ©iStock/mirelabella

Have you ever heard of the rule that for every month you were in a relationship, it should take you that number of weeks to get over it? Forget it — it’s BS. If you seem to be taking longer than “normal” to move on after a breakup, it’s OK. There’s really no timeline for moving on, and here’s why:

  1. Every relationship has a different ending. Therefore, some breakups hurt more than others. Which one of your breakups hurt the most? Did it really have to do with how long you dated or was it actually about how much you loved him, or even how much he hurt you?
  2. Your relationship was unique to you. Were you friends first? Did you fall in love quickly or did you take your time? Your love life has its own beginnings, its own trials and tribulations. Your relationship was a unique love story, so stop treating every heartbreak like it’s the same.
  3. No one can measure how much you loved someone. Only you can know how and how much you loved someone, so it would also make sense that only you know how much that love was worth. Just because your friend dated a guy for the same amount of time that you were with your ex doesn’t mean she loved him any more, less, or even the same. Love can’t be measured in time, so stop trying to confine it.
  4. Your pain is yours alone. And the way you deal with it is personal to not only your situation, but to your personality. The best way to heal is to give it time, but sadly there’s no exact formula for how much time you’ll need. This is your own path to forge and your own baggage to carry, so you’ll move on when you’re good and ready.
  5. Some losses are greater than others. You lost your boyfriend, but what else? Did you sacrifice friendships along the way? What about family? Did you once consider your now ex a friend? Did you lose yourself? Every situation is different and you can’t measure your loss against someone else’s.
  6. No one really understands the details of your pain. Sure, your girls feel sorry that you lost someone special in your life, but they can’t really understand your situation because they weren’t in it. They may have lost their own loves along the way, and that’s how they can sympathize, but to empathize they’d have to know what it’s like to be you, and that’s pretty damn impossible.
  7. You have to find your own strength. Moving on takes a hell of a lot of strength, and you’ll never do it until you actually want to. You can wish you’d move on all you want, but actually doing it takes work. If you can’t find that strength within yourself, then you’ll be stuck in the past forever.
  8. Time isn’t the only factor. Time might be a really important aspect of moving on, but it isn’t everything. Not only do you need your own strength to let go of your history, but you also need to actively work for a better future. Moving on takes guts. When you finally work up the courage to clean out your memories, find better ways to spend your days and open your heart to someone else, you’ll know that it wasn’t just about time, but that you had to work to heal your heart every step of the way. 
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.