I’m extremely fussy when it comes to men because I’ve dealt with a lot of players in the past. I also have too much fun living the single life to give it all up for a guy who might not last more than a week. Therefore, if a guy wants to become my one and only, he has to possess certain traits.
He treats me well.
First things first, if I’m committing the time, effort, and energy to date a guy, then he’d better treat me right—and not just treat me right, but treat me like the queen I am. An old-school romantic, I’m a big fan of gentlemanly actions like pulling out my chair at the dinner table so I can sit down and opening doors for me. If he can’t treat me like a lady, then I’m not going to be his lady. Period.
He communicates when we’re not together.
Being a gentleman on a date is all well and good, but what about being a gentleman when we’re not physically together? I’m talking about good morning and goodnight texts, cute phone calls to let me know that he’s thinking of me, and Snapchats of our private jokes. If he can’t keep in touch and be in my life even when it’s not physically possible, then I don’t want to know him as a potential boyfriend.
He’s open with his thoughts and feelings.
Gone are the days where I want to play the guessing game when it comes to whether a guy has feelings for me or not. If he’s about to become my boyfriend, then I won’t even have to second-guess anything. It’ll be immediately obvious that he’s head over heels for me and if it’s not, he won’t be afraid to tell me.
Just like he won’t be afraid to tell me how much he cares, a potential boyfriend won’t be afraid to show me either. He’ll shower me in kisses, cuddles, and affection—both when we’re alone and in front of people. Why? Well, because he simply won’t be able to resist.
He wants the same things as me.
If a guy I’m dating doesn’t want the same future that I do, i.e. marriage and kids, then I have no qualms about saying goodbye to him right there and then. I mean, why waste any more time? Time is precious, I have a busy schedule, and there’s just no point investing in something that will inevitably end.
He’s willing to compromise.
I’ve dated guys in the past that have been stubborn and unreasonable and TBH, I’m not willing to do it again. If he isn’t willing to put his ego aside for the sake of our relationship and happiness and would rather drag out conflict all the livelong day, then I’m just not interested in pursuing him. Sorry, not sorry.
A guy who’s going to become my BF also has to be mature AF. I’m done dating guys who act like children in a relationship and need babying every step of the way. No, give me a dude who has his act together and has already lived enough to know what he wants and where he’s going—and I’m down for that.
Speaking of maturity, I need a guy who has direction. As a goal-getter and someone who pushes herself, I personally can’t be with someone who just coasts through life and doesn’t really know what to do for a career or where he wants to live eventually. If he’s not willing to make something of himself or at least give a challenging career a chance, then our relationship will have to be a no from me.
He can laugh at himself and laugh with me.
If you’re going to give me a BF, give me someone who I can have a good laugh with. I can’t deal with those serious types who don’t know how to take a joke or refuse to have a giggle. Come on, man, life’s too short. We’ve got to make the most of things while we can! And if my potential guy can’t make light of difficult situations, then what hope do we have as life partners?
He takes care of himself.
My past experiences with guys have also taught me that I need to be with someone who takes care of himself. I know a lot of other couples probably don’t care if their other half gets comfortable in their relationship and lets a couple of things slide, but I know I do. I mean, my ex stopped shaving towards the end of our relationship and lived in his sweatpants and this made him super unattractive to me.
He has his own life.
In addition, for a guy to become my boyfriend, he needs to have his own life. I don’t think it’s healthy to introduce someone into your life who just wants to hang out with you or your friends and family and never wants to do his own thing. This screams neediness and dependence—two traits that can negatively impact relationships and make them fall apart.
He wants to share his whole life with me.
Finally, similar to my last point, an almost BF needs to be happy to integrate me into his life and be proud to introduce me to his friends and family. Sure, I don’t need to know everything that he does and what he’s having for every meal, but I’d like someone to be all in with me. My ideal scenario: we have our own lives and don’t need each other, but we want each other—and that ultimately makes us stronger.
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