It’s Not You, It’s Him — 10 Reasons It’s Next To Impossible To Find A Good Man

After having a serious lack of success in your dating life, you might start to wonder if you’re the problem. But the truth is that you may not be the one at fault at all. There are lots of good guys out there, but this is why the bad ones are making it harder and harder to get into a decent relationship:

  1. They’re looking out for number one. A widespread epidemic that’s hit this latest generation is  the “me” complex. Guys aren’t out there trying to find a woman to nurture and give love to — they’re looking for what they can get FROM women. That’s a huge problem with finding and maintaining a lasting relationship.
  2. They’re never satisfied. In the age of constant upgrades, being satisfied is a hard thing to come by. Everything from iPhones to clothing trends gets overhauled so quickly, it’s hard to even be happy with something before the next big thing is already out there. It’s the same when it comes to how many guys view relationships — they start something good with a girl only to bail the second someone “better” comes along.
  3. They’re just in it for the chase. Once a guy has the affections of a woman he likes, he tends to get bored and moves on to the next one. He enjoyed the pursuit, but once he knows he has you, he doesn’t see anything wrong with moving on to someone else who’s just slightly less available than you.
  4. All the good guys are busy doing good guy things. One of the biggest reasons it’s hard to find a good guy is because they’re out getting their stuff done and just generally being productive members of society. It’s a lot harder to meet someone when they’re busy living a life you’re not already a part of.
  5. They’re not going to change. It’s a sad truth, but it’s a truth nonetheless. The majority of men you see out at happy hour or swipe right on while browsing Tinder aren’t worth the time on your broken watch. They’ll never be good boyfriends, so there’s just no point in even trying to make them into something they’re not.
  6. They take women for granted. Too many guys get comfortable with one woman, then start to see other women as more attractive and feel as though they’re missing out on something better. It’s not that you’re not amazing — they just don’t see what they have with you. They always come crawling back once they let you go, but it sure doesn’t make it easier to find a guy who actually realizes what a catch you are.
  7. They can’t handle strong women. A lot of men see strong women as emasculating, which is nothing but a problem with how they themselves view the world. There’s nothing wrong with being a strong, independent woman, and a man who can’t handle that isn’t a good man at all.
  8. They’re afraid of commitment. Everyone has their baggage, and guys are no different. When a good guy gets his heart broken by a bad woman, he’s not going to be able to let you in easily. Most people hate being vulnerable, so when you combine that with the seriousness of broken heart, it’s no surprise even the good men aren’t willing to settle into a new relationship.
  9. They put more effort into their words than their actions. It’s so easy to tell someone that she’s your whole world or that you’d do anything for her, but when it comes time to actually prove it, too many guys just can’t meet the bar they set for themselves. The result is that they give us high expectations and then let us down when they can’t live up to them.
  10. They’re good at pretending. It’s so hard to find a good man these days because even the douchebags know how to play the game to make it seem like they’re a catch. By the time they show their true colors, we’re already hooked, and it makes it that much harder to get out. When a good man does actually come along, it’s hard to tell if he’s truly good orjust an excellent actor. 
Angelica Bottaro has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Trent University and an Advanced Diploma in Journalism from Centennial College. She began her career as a freelance writer in 2014, racking up bylines in The Good Men Project, MakeWell, LymeTime, YouQueen, and more. She eventually shifted her focus and began writing about mental health, nutrition, and chronic disease for VeryWell Health.

You can follow her on Facebook or check out her website at She also posts on Instagram @a.ct._b and Twitter @angiiebee.