Not All Guys Are The Same, But I’m Having Trouble Finding One Who Stands Out

Look, I know it’s unfair to generalize by calling all men jerks, so I won’t do that — especially because deep down, I know (or at least hope) it’s not true. That being said, I do think there’s an epidemic of losers out there and while not all guys are the same, most of them certainly seem to be.

  1. I’ve heard all the ‘bad guy’ stories. I’ve literally heard so many stories about crappy guys from my friends, co-workers, and basically every other woman I’ve ever met — and that’s not even taking into account all the terrible experiences I’ve had myself in dating. After hearing all that stuff, it can really be depressing.
  2. So many bad guys share the same traits. A lot of the guys I used to date were bad boys, so I guess I only have myself to blame for choosing them over the nice guys (more on that in a bit). The point is that they shared many of the same qualities, such as lying and a lack of commitment. Coincidence? I don’t think so. It’s like they were reading from the same dating manual!
  3. There’s a reason why good guys are called “unicorns.” A unicorn is defined as a mythical creature, and finding a nice guy sometimes feels like noticing a unicorn in the middle of the bustling city, looking all sparkly and serene, with Louboutins in my size on its back. The “unicorn” term wouldn’t have needed to be invented when describing a great guy if great guys were all over the place.
  4. So many guys aren’t looking for something real. Again, not generalizing here, but there are lots of guys who are just looking for something fun, with no strings attached. In fact, in a study by James Madison University that questioned both men and women about whether they prefer hooking up over traditional dating, results showed that 41 percent of women preferred traditional dating to hooking up, compared to 20 percent of men.
  5. A lot of guys are great… until you get to know them. The reason it’s so easy to fall for a guy who seems wonderful, only to discover he’s up to no good? He comes across as wonderful in the beginning. This happens more often that men might think. Been there, got conned, still expecting Ashton Kutcher to run into the room screaming, “You got punked!”
  6. Maybe I’m to blame… or am I? Maybe I’m to blame for thinking most guys are the same because I’ve been the one choosing the bad guys instead of the nicer ones. Fine, I admit that. But even so, I can’t be blamed for how many jerks and bad boys are out there, can I?!
  7. Men have been ghosting women for decades. Yes, both women and men ghost others, but in my experience guys have been ghosting women for decades — long before “ghosting” became such a dating trend and taboo. Since I was in my teens, I’ve spent many a night crying over some loser, wondering why he won’t answer my texts. Men invented ghosting.
  8. Men are more narcissistic. A three-year study from the University of Buffalo School of Management found that men tend to be more narcissistic after analyzing over half a million subjects. Why is this the case? It comes down to them being less stigmatized when they show off their narcissistic behavior. Yup, society is more accepting of it.
  9. Many men just want sex. Okay, so there are many women out there who are looking for sex right off the first date but I wouldn’t know because I date men. So, in my experience, there have been many guys who are just looking for a quick sex session under the guise of dating. Spending a bit of time on a dating app is enough to see that the quality of conversation usually ends up in the penis pic ditch.
  10. Men cheat more often in marriage. Research has found that men cheat on their wives more than women cheat on their husbands, so forgive me for being a little afraid to take that big walk down the aisle.
  11. Many men don’t really want smart women. It’s sad but true. Even though lots of guys claim to want to date intelligent women, this isn’t always the case. Sometimes they’re downright intimidated by smart women. In a 2006 speed-dating experiment, the men surveyed found intelligence attractive unless the smart woman in question was smarter than them. Hmmm.
  12. Many men play the same relationship games. Yes, both sexes play games in relationships. Some common games many men like to play are mind games to feel powerful. They also like to test themselves by trying to attract gorgeous women, and they love a challenge – that’s why we’ve always said men are the hunters, I guess. Sometimes they’ll even try to keep a woman on her toes by building her up with compliments and breaking her down with insults. This happens more than it should. Ugh. It’s a nightmare out there.
  13. So many guys are jerks. There are so many guys out there who act like total jerks. They’re selfish, mean, arrogant, and the list goes on. Sadly, it pays to be like this. Men who have the “dark triad” qualities of narcissism, manipulation, and psychopathy (such as lying) are often found to have more sexual partners, according to research that sampled over 200 college students. It’s no surprise those bad boys are on a power trip, but in my book, they’re still jerks.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.