When I married my husband, I could never have imagined that I would keep loving him but stop being attracted to him one day. And yet here we are over a decade later and that’s exactly what’s happened.
We’ve been together for a very long time. It’s hard to stay physically attracted to someone you’ve been sleeping with for years. My husband and I got together when we were really young, and while the thought of being with anyone else is not at all appealing to me, it’s difficult to get turned on by him anymore because of how many years we’ve been together.
Our sexual chemistry is more like an old recipe at this point. When you’ve been having sex with the same person for over a decade, things can get a little stale. At the beginning of our relationship, our chemistry was amazing. It was brand new and we were young and in love. Now that we’ve gotten used to each other, we’ve fallen into a pattern. Sex isn’t spontaneous or experimental anymore. We know the drill and while we’re both still satisfied, our chemistry isn’t exactly sizzling.
He’s like a brother in a lot of ways. I know it’s really weird to compare your spouse to a sibling, but when you’ve lived together for years, it’s hard to not draw parallels. I wouldn’t trade my marriage for anything, but feeling this comfortable with someone makes it harder to feel attracted to them.
We’re best friends. I always dreamed of being married to my best friend and it’s fantastic. But what I could never have predicted was that friendship occasionally works against you. When you see someone as your best friend, it can be difficult to see them as a lover. Mystery is such a big part of attraction and when you know someone to their core, it can be hard to get excited about them on a sexual level.
I’m too busy to be infatuated with anyone. Desire can actually be pretty inconvenient. Being obsessed with someone is one of the most intoxicating experiences in life but it takes a lot of mental and emotional energy and I simply don’t have time for that. The older you get and the more practical things you have to worry about, the less desirable infatuation is.
Marriage goes through phases. I’m not going to lie: I obviously wish I was attracted to my husband but we’ve been married long enough for me to know that marriages fluctuate. Some months will be more challenging than others and all you have to do is ride it out together. When we got married, we agreed to stay together through thick and thin and I choose to stay with him every day because the pros far outweigh the cons. I know that my attraction to him will adapt over time, just like everything does.
He’s aged out of his 20-year-old good looks. I don’t want to be shallow about it, but it’s no secret that physical appearance has a lot to do with attraction. When I married my husband, he was an athlete and fitter than anyone I knew. But over the years, just like with most people, he’s slowly phased out of his younger body and is totally different in appearance than I could ever have imagined when we got engaged. I still love his body of course, but I don’t desire it the way I used to.
His face is more familiar to me than my own. Even if my husband looked exactly the same today as he did the day we met, I would probably still find it difficult to be attracted to him. When you see someone naked every day, it’s impossible to think of them in a sexual way all the time. I know his body better than I know my own and at this point, I almost don’t see it at all anymore.
The sex is OK but not bad. If the sex was terrible, I don’t think we’d still be together. But in spite of the lack of physical attraction on my side, we still get the job done and I don’t feel dissatisfied. I don’t need mind-blowing sex on a regular basis in order for the marriage to be worth keeping. As long as it’s still good enough, I’m content.
Our marriage is still solid. Attraction aside, my husband and I are still great together. We always have been, and just because I don’t find him physically attractive anymore doesn’t mean that our marriage isn’t still the most rewarding relationship of our lives. We’re happy together and love each other deeply. I wouldn’t trade that for all the amazing sex the world could offer.
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