You Are NOT The Crap You’ve Been Through In Love — How To Overcome It All & Come Out On Top

You’ve had your heart broken, you’ve been screwed over and you’ve generally been through way too much BS in the game of love and it’s taken its toll on you, as it would on anyone. Don’t be discouraged. You’re bigger than your baggage, and you can overcome it all and come out on top. Here’s how:

  1. Learn from your mistakes. Maybe he broke your heart, but you made your own mistakes too. Maybe your mistake was giving away trust too easily. Maybe you didn’t know how to control your jealousy. Whatever you did, you have to accept it, learn from it and just be different with the next guy. Those other guys weren’t a waste, not if you learned something from them.
  2. Become a certified BS detector. Unfortunately, the dating game will always be stocked full of players, but how do you spot them before you fall for them? Well, you have to learn how to detect their BS. If he sounds too good to be true, he probably is. Stop listening to your heart so much and listen to your head because if you want to win the game, you have to play smart. His BS is out in plain sight, you just have to call him on it. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. After all, you have to protect your heart.
  3. Remember that everybody fails. You’re not the first girl to have her heart broken and you certainly won’t be the last. You’re also not the only girl who got herself played by some douchebag. So stop feeling like you’re the last single girl left on earth because you are anything but alone. Most people have at least one failed shot at love in their lifetime and now you’re one of them. You may have failed, but don’t let that make you believe that you’ll never succeed. As long as you don’t let the heartbreak get you down, you’ll find the right guy eventually.
  4. Forgive the man (or men) who broke your heart. He broke your heart and you might hate him for it, but you can’t hold onto that anger forever. Bottling up those negative feelings is just going to make you bitter. Instead, you should forgive him even if he doesn’t deserve it because you don’t deserve to carry that burden. Forgive him and then forget, but don’t forget what being with him taught you. That’s how you move on.
  5. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. If you keep playing the victim, all you’ll ever be is the victim. If you want to win the game of love, you have to start acting like a winner. You’ve been wounded for too long. It’s time to pick yourself back up and get over the past, because if you keep looking back at what happened, you’ll never have a future.
  6. Hold out for a good guy. A guy who really likes you will understand that you need to take things slow. He’ll be patient and kind while you figure out how to trust again. The guy who’s worth it will make an effort to show you he’s not like your ex and that he’s one of the good guys. You’re not the crap you’ve been through but it definitely changed you, and that change was for the better because it taught you what you deserve.
  7. Realize that you can’t take all the blame. Crap happens, and it’s not always your fault. Maybe you’re partly to blame for the demise of your previous relationships, but you weren’t the only person in that relationship. Stop thinking that because you don’t have a boyfriend, it means something’s wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with you — there was something wrong with him. He just wasn’t the right guy for you.
  8. Vow to never give up. Life’s going to push you down, but you just have to keep getting back up. The girls who find love are the ones who never stopped looking. You need to realize that you deserve love and that heartbreak is just an obstacle you face along the journey to happily ever after. The only way you’ll end up forever alone with no one but fifteen cats to feed is if you let it happen. So don’t let it happen. Don’t give up, because you’re so much better than that.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.