I’m Not Desperate For A Relationship—I Give Myself All The Love I Need

I’ve been single by choice for as long as I can remember and I can’t imagine that changing anytime soon. Sometimes I feel discouraged and lonely, sure, but I don’t need a guy to love me—I’m perfectly capable of doing that myself.

  1. I’ll never be in a relationship out of fear of being single. I’m one of the few people in my friend group who’s still single. Everyone else I know has either been in a steady relationship for years or is getting married and having kids. I’m not discouraged or feeling sorry for myself. Instead, I’ve taken on the role of the observer. I watch the paired up friends fight over petty crap, make up, and go through the cycle all over again, all out of fear of being single. Being single has shown me the type of relationship I want and the type I definitely don’t. I’m now perfectly capable of telling whether I’m compatible with a guy from the beginning.
  2. I’m very emotionally intelligent. Yes, sometimes I can be moody, but I’ve become very good at telling why I feel a certain way. I’ve become capable of mastering my emotions through lots of personal space thanks to being single and meditation. I don’t need a guy to console or excite me—I can do that all on my own. When I find someone I like, my ability to understand both mine and his emotions will blow his mind.
  3. I don’t need a cheerleader. I work really hard for a good reason. Being successful is a priority to me. I love that I put in the work to my projects and I don’t need a guy to give me pep talks when I’m down—my motivation and dedication come from within and that flame never dies.
  4. I’m capable of commitment. This is exactly why I’m doing great on my own. I don’t need a guy who won’t commit. It’s better to stay single until I find someone as dedicated to himself and to me as much as I am. Moreover, I don’t need to have a man by my side in order to be inspired to exercise and take care of my body. I fully commit to my health and work out for the love of myself, not for a man.
  5. I hold myself to a super high standard. While I may encourage others to run a 5K or read one book a month, the standards I hold myself to are twice as high. I don’t need a guy to pat me on the back for an okay job. I am perfectly capable of challenging myself. Being single gives me all the freedom I need to explore myself and push my limits.
  6. I love my quirks. I do some things in a weird way. For example, I like to set out to the Caribbean jungle and sleep in a tree house during my vacation instead of going to an all-inclusive, air-conditioned resort. I like to go running in a thunderstorm. I don’t mind spending crazy money on a cheap artisanal necklace if I know that it’s going to someone who needs it. Being single has allowed me to be myself 100 percent.  I already love myself for who I am and don’t need any outside reinforcement.
  7. I’m not willing to trade my personal space for love. As a writer and an all-around creative person, I need periods of solitude. This is how I’ve become capable of loving and taking care of myself. If I depended on a guy’s love, I’d go nowhere. Solitude stimulates my imagination. There’s nothing worse to me than not having a week to myself every now and then. Love has to come from within. Otherwise, you’ll be forever needy.
  8. If I need someone to give me love and attention, I’ll call my mom. I believe that I should date someone because I want to love them, not the other way around. If I need someone to tell me that I’m great and motivate me, I’ll just call my mom. I don’t need to commit to a guy to do that for me. Mixing romantic love and the need for affirmation is a big mistake. I like to draw a clear border between the two.
  9. I know my worth. They say that the more amazing you are, the harder it is to find love and I completely agree. I know that my motivation, love for risks, and passion for travel are awesome traits. I won’t settle down for just any man out of fear of being alone. I’d rather wait for someone who’s as amazing as I am.
  10. Not being capable of loving myself will end up in divorce. If I were to constantly seek someone else’s approval in order to keep going emotionally and professionally, I’d settle down for just any dude. That will most likely result in a terrible breakup or worse, in a clumsy and painful divorce. I’ll only choose to spend my life with someone who’s capable of loving himself first. That will level the playing field and make us a good match.
Dayana is a passionate traveler who's been navigating foreign lands and confusing relationships since she was 16. You can read more of her work on Matador Network and her blog, Dee Across The Sea.