How NOT To Get Over A Bad Break-Up

We’ve all been there. Heartbreak, and it sucks. Especially when things end REALLY bad between you and your boyfriend. When that happens, the first thing you wanna do is nurse your wounds any way you can. But there are good ways and bad ways to do that. These are the bad ways, the ways that you’ll regret, and make you feel worse rather than better.

1. Drinking And Substance Abuse. Right off the bat, I’m getting this one out of the way. When I went through a very bad break-up, the first thing I wanted to do once the crying was over was numb how bad I felt. But after recovering from drinking to the point that I did numb it, I regretted it. Luckily, I regretted it before it turned into a crutch to get me through the day. If you want to share a drink or two with a friend to buoy your spirits, that’s fine. No harm in doing that while you talk things out with him or her, but don’t fall into the trap of holing up alone with a bottle night after night until things spiral out of control. And it goes without saying that any habit-forming drugs you might wanna get your hands on falls into that as well.
2. Overeating. Maybe instead of drinking, you’d rather get yourself an armful of all of the junk food you love. That old curl up with chips and chocolate and ice cream and marathon a show on Netflix that’ll take your mind off how bad you feel. This is fine on your first night dealing with how alone and in pain you feel. Like with alcohol though, don’t make it a daily thing that turns into a self-destructive habit.
3. Under-Eating. When a very close friend of mine was going through a bad break-up, she dealt with it differently. She could barely bring herself to eat at all. It was hard watching how much weight she dropped and how quickly. With time she did bounce back, and so did her appetite. But it genuinely scared me how little she could bring herself to eat, to the point that I worried she’d end up in the ER. If this is you, try to at least nibble on something, even if it’s something small and easy like a yogurt. Bottom line, don’t let yourself develop a habit that’s detrimental to your health.
4. Keeping How You Really Feel To Yourself. Don’t forget to open up to family or friends, anyone you’re close to. Don’t clam up. Even if you feel like you’re the only one who feels this miserable (and you might), talk it out. A good friend’ll help you feel better rather than worse.
5. Wallowing. If you do open up to friends or family, you’ll be able to avoid this. And if you avoid this, you can better avoid the first three don’ts. You might prefer to curl up alone with your pain, or keep it alive with negative thoughts, but nursing how horrible you feel’ll only make things worse. As much as a drinking problem or under-eating’ll affect those around you, so will insisting on staying stuck in self-pity.
6. Shutting Yourself In. Even if you’re not holing up with junk food or alcohol or drugs, just holing up in general isn’t such a good idea either. Even if it’s just with a Netflix marathon to forget how bad you feel, if it’s all day every day, that gets to be a problem. Giving yourself some “you time” is understandable, and not a bad idea so long as it isn’t ALL the time. Try to get some sunlight and vitamin D, go and out and see people every now and then. Nursing those depressing thoughts alone’ll just make you more depressed.
7. Not Letting Yourself Have a Good Cry. Just as it’s not a good idea to wallow or curl up with how bad you feel, not letting yourself have a good cry about it isn’t a good idea either. Give yourself that breathing space. If you feel better crying alone, that’s fine, if you’d rather cry with a friend, that’s fine too. Don’t keep a stiff upper lip and keep it all inside if you feel like crying. Just cry. You’ll start to feel better after just by doing that.
8. Not Trying To Let Go And Move On. You might have trouble with this. Maybe you won’t. Maybe you’re looking forward to this. But it’s not always easy to know when’s the right time to let go and move on. But at some point, you’ve got to at least try. If you keep holding onto your feelings, it’s just gonna keep hurting.
9. Getting Stuck. This is what’ll happen if you don’t try that letting go thing. This is what’ll happen if you don’t try to get out now and then, and instead lock yourself in with ice cream and bottle after bottle of wine. When you curl up with how depressed you are, this is what’ll happen. Don’t let this happen. But if it does, try to dig yourself out sooner rather than later, by getting back out in the world, and not shutting yourself in.
10. Don’t Let Him Have Power Over You. If you’re in a situation where he’s still a part of your life, even in the smallest capacity–like Facebook or the fact that he goes to the same school as you or works where you do or has the same friends as you–don’t let constant reminders of what he’s up to get to you. Especially the ones about how he’s moved on and found another girlfriend, or just how great he’s doing while you aren’t. If you run into him and he’s ruined your entire day, or see a notification like that on Facebook or Twitter, turn your mind to something else, something that always makes you happy. Indulge and cook something you really crave eating without worrying about the calorie intake. Or go home and clean, which would also give you the opportunity to get rid of all his leftover stuff. Then you march over to his place with his box of things and shove them at him.