It’s Not His Fault You Let Him Keep Playing You — It’s Yours

Maybe you can’t be blamed for getting played once, but if it happens again — and with the same guy, no less — it’s totally on you. You can believe in second chances, sure, but you should still learn from his first shot. If he messed up bigtime then, what’s to stop him from doing it again?

  1. Not every guy deserves a second chance. It’s great that you believe in second chances, but not every guy deserves one. Why didn’t he use his first chance with you a little more wisely? Sure, everyone makes mistakes, but some mistakes are just too big to brush under the rug. You can always forgive him, but then forget his sorry ass because you can do better than a guy who refuses to treat you right.
  2. You deserve better than his BS. You didn’t deserve it the first time, and you definitely don’t need it a second. He already managed to play you once, so he knows he could get away with it again. The boy loves his mind games, but you need a man mature enough for a real relationship. Once you find your self-worth, you’ll realize that you’re so much better off without him.
  3. You need to have some sense of pride. If he played you before then that’s a harsh way of realizing that you’re too good for him. You can’t keep letting the guys who hurt you come back and stomp on your heart all over again. At some point, you need to pick yourself up and realize that you’re worthy of a man who treats you right from the start. Being single is way better than being with a man who’s only going to hurt you.
  4. If he’s really changed, he’ll take the time to prove it. If he really wants a second chance with you, then he’ll work for it. You shouldn’t just take him back without any recognition of and repentance for what he put you through. He has to earn a second chance with you and if he’s not willing to put in the effort, then he’s definitely not ready to have a real relationship with you. Better safe than sorry.
  5. He’s already shown his true colors. When you first met him and fell for his charm, you didn’t know he was an undercover jerk that whole time. When you take him back, though, you know the truth and you’re risking your heart again anyway. Don’t be a fool. You know what you’re getting yourself into, so ask yourself this: is he really worth the risk of a second scar on your heart?
  6. You have to be smart to play the game. If you ever want to survive and actually find love, you have to play the game a little smarter. Playing dumb won’t get you anywhere but Heartbreak City. He fooled you once but now you know his game because you lived it, so learn from it. You have the tools to play the game — you just have to know how to use them.
  7. You need to be your top priority. You have to look out for yourself here. If you don’t want to get played and be left broken-hearted time after time then you need to start putting yourself first and protecting yourself. He’s not looking out for you, he’s looking out for himself. Beat the player at his own game and play defense because when he leaves you high and dry, it’s you who will have to pick up the pieces.
  8. You don’t owe him anything. He hurt you and you don’t have to let him do it again. No matter how much you want to believe that there’s good in everyone, it’s not your responsibility to seek it out. He treated you like you were nothing, so why on earth do you feel like you owe him your heart one last time? This boy needs to learn a lesson — he can’t walk all over women and then expect them to still be there. He doesn’t deserve you by his side, so don’t be. You’re so much better than that.
  9. In the end, you have to take responsibility if he hurts you again. Sure, he’s definitely a loser for hurting you, but you also have to take a look in the mirror here. It’s your own fault you ended up in this situation. It’s his fault too, but you knew what kind of guy he was and you allowed him to hurt you all over again. He couldn’t have played you if you didn’t let him, just remember that.
  10. Every time you lose love, you should be learning from it. After a breakup, you need to look back so that you can gain some perspective. What signs did you ignore and how can you protect yourself in the future? You need to start opening your eyes and stop seeing love through rose-colored glasses. Every player has a tell. You just have to learn how to look for the red flags.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.