If You’re Not Looking For Something Real, Go Ahead and Ghost Me

I know ghosting is considered cowardly, but you know what? As someone who’s been ghosted and been lied to a lot, I’d rather have a guy ghost me instead of lie to me about his feelings and lead me on just to avoid the awkward breakup speech. Here’s why:

  1. I get my own closure. Closure is so important after dating someone. I want to know what happened and why it’s over so I can move on with a free heart, but it’s not always possible. At least after being ghosted I can decide what closure I need for myself and give it to myself instead of wasting time trying to get answers from a liar.
  2. Ghosting is like pulling off a band-aid really quickly. After being ghosted, it hurts a lot, but it’s much quicker to deal with. I get ghosted, I feel stuff, but then I move on. I’m not left waiting for a guy to call and then getting bits and pieces of communication from him, only to start the process all over again. That’s BS.
  3. I don’t waste time that can be put to better use. I don’t want to waste time on things that aren’t healthy for me. If a guy’s not interested and going AWOL, I’d appreciate it more if he has the courtesy to GTFO of my life quickly so I can go back to what I was doing without interruptions.
  4. I don’t waste my love. There’s always the hope that a guy means what he says, like when he says, “I’m sorry, I was so busy I couldn’t call but I’ll make it up to you.” It sucks to think of all the love and hope I feel in those situations, only to discover the guy is lying through his teeth. Ugh.I’d rather get hurt by being ghosted so I know where I stand.
  5. My future pain is minimized. It’s not only harder to deal with someone who’s a liar than a ghoster because the liar is still in my face, but it’s harder to walk away from him too. There’s always the fear of walking away from something that could be real this time, maybe, hopefully… FFS. This just leads to lots of emotional baggage that won’t be there with the ghoster.
  6. Ghosting is cowardly, but being led down the garden path is worse. It takes a coward to ghost someone, but it’s even more cowardly for men to lie because they’re too spineless to tell me why things aren’t working. At least ghosters have the balls to SHOW me it’s not working.
  7. Ghosting frees up my time to find someone else. If guys can do me the courtesy of going away rather than lying to me, this prevents me from wasting time trying to get over all the pain. That also means it gives me the chance to try to find someone else who won’t need to ghost me or lie to me. In other words, a grown man.
  8. I don’t have to deal with confusion. Mixed messages are the worst. How many slices of cheesecake and cups of coffee have been consumed trying to figure out what a guy means! Mixed messages are really just ways for a guy to show they’re not as interested as I’d like. If they were, there wouldn’t be mixed messages to try to decode. Ghosters don’t give mixed messages.
  9. I don’t tear myself up over an a-hole. Worrying and waiting for a guy to make up his mind or take things to the next level is pure torture. Despite my best attempts, sometimes it’s impossible not to stress in such crappy relationships. But I don’t want to feel so crap over a guy. Ghosters are great ’cause they either like you or not. It’s all or nothing, with no grey areas.
  10. I don’t have to listen to crappy explanations for why they went AWOL. Those excuses guys tend to give when confronted about why they disappeared are so pathetic and ridiculous. Things like “I got scared because I like you so much.” Oh please. I don’t want to hear that crap ever again.
  11. I don’t get taken advantage of. Guys will try their luck at taking what they can when a relationship is going nowhere, especially if they know I’m into them. I’d like not to have to go through that, in any shape or form. I like that ghosting takes the guy out of the picture and prevents any of this from happening, but I just wish I could control the process and that every guy came with a ‘ghosting’ button so I could make them disappear.
  12. Ghosting can be seen in a positive light. When a guy knows he can’t take advantage of me or he knows I’ll see through his BS, and he’s too cowardly to end things like a man, ghosting is a good option for him. I like to see it as respectful in a way because he knows that he can’t sell his lies here so he won’t even try. He’ll just pack his things and go, saving me a whole lot of drama.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.